When I was expecting my first baby, I followed along in the books about every single stage of my pregnancy, I read about what to expect when baby arrives. I learned about anything that I thought I would need to know for that first little bit of baby’s life; I read a lot! Of course, I didn't think much about baby sleep until I realized that my precious little bundle of joy DID NOT KNOW HOW TO SLEEP!!
So, I read more and more about nothing except baby SLEEP! What I wasn't prepared for was the sheer amount of information out there, and how much the "experts" contradicted each other! Even among medical professionals, the number of times I must have read one person say that one thing was an absolute must, then to have another "expert" say that the first was wrong or harmful, was mind-boggling and extremely stressful!
As most parents do though, I took that information, analyzed it, filtered everything through a combination of common sense and personal beliefs, and came up with a strategy I was comfortable with. But one thing I was never sure about, mainly because nobody seemed to have a clear answer, was whether I could sleep train while I was breastfeeding or how to sleep train while I was breastfeeding.
The primary argument against the idea, so far as I understood it, was that breast milk gets digested faster than formula, and therefore babies who are breastfed need to wake up several times a night to feed. Otherwise, they'll feel hungry throughout the night, be unable to sleep, and potentially suffer from malnutrition.
Now, I know that there are different views on this matter, and whichever one you subscribe to, you're probably convinced that you're right. And you might be, assuming of course that you agree with me. I'm kidding, of course. Like most things in parenting, there's not so much of a "right and wrong," as opposed to "right for your child."
But there are a few facts that you should know if you're breastfeeding and trying to decide whether or not to sleep train your child. After all, what's the point of sleep training if your baby's nutrition needs prevent them from sleeping through the night?
So, here's an interesting fact.
Nobody sleeps through the night.
You might think you do, or that you did before you had kids, or that your partner does, but I assure you, unless you've been heavily sedated or falling into bed after a fabulous girl’s night bender, you wake up at least a few times during the night, every night, and you always have.
By now you likely are familiar with the term "Sleep Cycles." When we sleep, these cycles go from light sleep to deep sleep and back again, typically about four or five times a night. When we get to the end of a sleep cycle and enter into that really light stage of sleep, we often wake up. People who think they sleep straight through the night typically don't remember these little wakeups, but they definitely do experience them.
Babies' sleep cycles are shorter than adult ones, so naturally, this means that they wake up more often in the night. Babies who are said to sleep through the night are still waking up, but they manage to get themselves back to sleep on their own without any help from Mom and Dad.
So, when we talk about babies sleeping through the night, what we're really saying is that they're able to get to sleep and back to sleep on their own, or as we call it in the baby sleep industry, they have "independent sleep skills."
So, it doesn't matter if a baby's breastfed, formula fed, or eating a Big Mac twice a day. They're going to wake up at night, several times, for the rest of their lives, just like everyone else.
Now, as for the idea that breast milk digests faster than formula, that's actually true, but not to the degree that a lot of people describe.
Newborns can go about 2 1/2 - 3 hours between feeds if they're breastfeeding. If they're eating formula, that number is closer to 3-4 hours. So it's not like formula is some kind of magical elixir that's going to keep your little one full and satisfied for 10 or 11 hours. Their stomachs are small, and they're going to digest liquid food quickly, whether it comes from a bottle or a boob. Plus remember every baby is different, and their caloric intake is no different. Some will need to eat less or more than others regardless of how they are fed and as long as they are growing along their own personal growth curve; they are fine! Remember comparing to your BFF's baby doesn't help your baby.
What does that mean for parents of newborns in regards to their newborn babies sleeping 11 - 12 hours through the night? Well, simply put, forget it. I mean, it happens. Some babies are such sleep aficionados that they'll go down for the night regardless of hunger, but they're few and far between.
Chances are, you're going to have to get up a couple of times a night to feed your little one until they're about six months old.
Now, that doesn't mean that you should put your baby's sleep on a back burner until they hit six months of age. Quite the opposite is true actually. Teaching your baby to fall asleep independently is something you can't start too early. I just want you to understand that if they're under six months old, you might not get a full night's sleep just yet, but it doesn't hinge on whether they're breastfed or formula fed. Both are going to have similar results when it comes to keeping baby feeling full.
After the six-month mark, or thereabouts anyway, your baby should be able to start sleeping through the night without a feed, and that includes babies who are breastfed. (This is the part where the debate heats up a little.)
Let's say you breastfeed on demand, which is a very popular approach and one that I fully support if it works for you, your baby, and your schedule; after all, this is the way that worked best for my family and me. So, if baby's waking up five times a night for a feed, the principle of feeding on demand would require you to get up and feed baby five times a night, right?
Technically, yes. But if baby's six months of age, gaining weight at a "normal" (for your baby) rate, and able to eat as many calories as they need during the day, then the chances are that baby is, in fact, not waking in the night for food. The most common reason for waking at night past the six-month mark is because feeding is part of their strategy for falling asleep.
Having a sleep strategy is something else that we adults have in common with our babies. We all have strategies for getting to sleep. As grown-ups, we establish our own little ritual for bedtime. We might get a glass of water and put it on the nightstand, brush our teeth, get into a specific position, or read a book for a little while, but in the end, it's a strategy that helps to signal our brains and bodies that it's time for sleep.
Of course, baby sleep strategies are less sophisticated, but they still work the same. They help baby get into a familiar, comfortable place where their system recognizes what it's supposed to do, and they nod off to sleep.
So if feeding is part of that strategy, then it doesn't matter to them if there's actual food coming their way. It's the sucking motion, the feel of mom next to them, the familiarity of the situation, that helps them to get to sleep, and they can get very dependent on it.
Obviously, every baby is different, and some may actually still be getting hungry enough during the night to need a feed. With that in mind, there are a few indicators that can help let you know if those nighttime wake ups are the result of hunger or a lack of independent sleep skills.
If you answered yes to most or all of those, then your little one probably falls into the "feeding as a sleep strategy" camp and could benefit significantly from learning a few sleep skills.
It doesn't mean that you can't breastfeed on demand, just that you'll have to reassess when exactly baby's demanding a feed and when they're looking for help getting to sleep. See the difference?
So to answer the question posed at the start of this post, are sleep training and breastfeeding mutually exclusive, the answer in my mind is a straight-up no. Breastfeeding is a beautiful experience for both mother and baby, and I support it 100%. I breastfed both my boys until around 13-14 months, and my #2 was gloriously sleep trained and sleeping 12 plus hours a night at about seven months old.
Having a baby who sleeps through the night is maybe not quite as magical, but it sure comes close, and there's absolutely no reason why you can't have both together.
And, as always, if you need a little help guiding you through the occasionally tricky process of teaching your baby to sleep through the night, I've got you covered.
Meet Sleep Consultant, Erin
I am the mother of two amazing little boys who did not come pre-programmed with the skills to sleep well independently. I knows how hard it is to function on little to no sleep, I understands how this impacts your ability to be the best version of the mom or dad that you want to be. This is what led me to become a Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and the founder of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting. I am also a member of the International Association of Professional Sleep Consultants. I have a background in Psychology and have worked with families and young children in many different settings for over 20 years. One of the best parts of my job is seeing the impact that TEACHING their little moonbugs healthy/independent sleep skills has on the momma's!!
"Life Changing! I am a better mom!"
To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting
Providing families the tools & support they need to get their little ones sleeping through the night and napping like champs! Everyone has more fun when they are well rested!
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