Tell me if this scenario sounds familiar…

Your baby wakes up in the morning after a solid night’s sleep. You feed her, change her, play with her for a little bit, take her for a little walk outside, then rock her to sleep and put her gently into her crib for her morning nap.

And then, 30 minutes later, she wakes up fussy and irritable and, despite your pleading, bargaining, and offers of riches, refuses to go back to sleep.

So, after half an hour of trying to put her back down, you finally give in, hoping she’ll be that much more tired when her afternoon nap rolls around, only to have the exact same scenario play out again, and baby is a cranky ball of unhappiness for the rest of the day.

Sleep, like food, is one of those elements where baby has the final say on whether or not they’re going to cooperate, so there’s no sense trying to force the issue. If they’re not sleeping, just leaving them in their room usually won’t fix things.

So, here’s what’s going on, and how to fix it.

If you plan on addressing your little one’s sleep issues, I want to prepare you for something.

It’s possible that things are going to get worse before they get better.
For some babies, that might mean a night or two of more intense crying at bedtime; for some, it might mean more like four or five.

That probably doesn’t come as a big surprise. If you have a child that doesn’t sleep well, you’ve probably already established an elaborate routine to respond to your baby’s bedtime. 

It’s usually a combination of feeding, bouncing, getting them settled in your arms, popping in a pacifier, and getting them into their crib at the exact right moment.

Why? Because if you try to do it any other way, your baby will cry. And if you don’t give in, they’ll cry even louder and harder. It’s a common response to behaviour modification known as an extinction burst.

EXTINCTION BURST

An extinction burst occurs when a behaviour that has been previously reinforced suddenly stops being reinforced. In other words, when a baby is used to receiving a specific response or reward for a particular behaviour, and that response or reward is suddenly removed, the baby will increase the intensity and frequency of that behaviour in an attempt to get what they want. In this case, the rocking, shushing, or nursing to sleep that they’re accustomed to.

Extinction bursts can occur in various situations, from sleep training to weaning from breastfeeding. They can be particularly challenging for parents to navigate, as it can be difficult to tell if the baby is seeking attention or if they’re genuinely upset. 

However, it’s essential to understand that extinction bursts are a normal part of a baby’s development and are not a sign that something’s wrong.

So, how can parents cope with these bedtime extinction bursts? 
One word. Consistency.

CONSISTENCY

Suppose you have decided that a particular behaviour is no longer acceptable or that a specific reward will no longer be given. In that case, it’s crucial to stick to that decision and not give in to the baby’s increased efforts to elicit the desired response.
 
Staying consistent isn’t going to be easy, I know. The increased intensity of the baby’s crying will be stressful and occasionally overwhelming. Still, it is important to remain calm and consistent. 

Get your partner involved or call in the support team, whether it’s your parents, your in-laws, your friends, or a professional sleep consultant so that you can take a break when things get to be too much for you.

As tough as things get, don’t forget this crucial fact. Extinction bursts are temporary. Good sleep habits are not. 

Once you’ve come out the other side of this experience, you can look forward to years of your little one sleeping soundly through the night. 

Need help to stay consistent and get through your child's extinction burst?
​Book your Free 20-minute Sleep Evaluation Call with me and I can explain how I can help make this transition to independent sleep a lot smoother. 

If you plan on having kids, you should pencil in a few accessories into the budget. A crib, a stroller, and a high chair are all mandatory when bringing home a new baby.


And, of course, you’re going to need a baby monitor. I honestly don’t think I’ve worked with a family without a pretty sophisticated baby monitor set up in the nursery. These days, they fall right alongside those other items as “essential” baby equipment.


And hey, not for no good reason, right? Baby monitors, even the most basic ones, provide some much-needed peace of mind for parents when they’re not in the room with their little ones. 


Unfortunately, they’re a bit of a double-edged sword because, for all the peace of mind they can provide and have the exact opposite effect. I often see parents running into their baby’s room the moment they hear the slightest peep out of the monitor. 


They check to make sure baby’s in a comfortable position, they check their temperature to make sure they’re not too hot or too cold, they check their diaper to see if they might need a change, and after they’ve confirmed that everything’s as it should be, they head back out of the room, sit down for a few minutes until they hear another rustle come through the speaker, and then they’re back in action, repeating the whole process.


Seriously. I’ve seen it happen with more than a few families. And I assure you, I’m not exaggerating even a little bit!


Now, if you’re reading this and thinking, “What’s so strange about that?” then it’s possible that you are, in fact, addicted to your baby monitor.


Interesting little side note here, did you know that the first baby monitor was invented back in 1937 as a result of the infamous Lindbergh baby kidnapping? 
​It’s true! Eugene MacDonald, then president of Zenith (a familiar name in electronics for all of us old-timers), heard about the incident and commissioned designer Isamu Noguchi to create a radio device to transmit sound from the baby’s room to a receiver elsewhere in the house. Good luck snatching a baby out of their crib now, you stupid kidnappers.


Over the years, monitors have become increasingly sophisticated. First, they switched from radio to digital signals, did away with the wires, and added two-way communication so parents could speak to their babies as well as hear them; then came the video monitors, wi-fi capability for better picture and sound, and now, now they can monitor a baby’s heart rate, oxygen levels, movements, breathing, sleeping position, even whether or not baby’s got a wet diaper.


And therein lies the problem.


On the one hand, I think it’s great that we have the technology to monitor our baby’s vital signs and make sure they’re not in a dangerous sleeping position. 


On the other hand, it’s not exactly good for your mental wellness or your baby’s sleep if you’re in a state of hyper-vigilance throughout the night and rushing in to “fix” things every time baby fusses a little, or the temperature in the nursery rises by a half a degree.


Now, I know the absolutely gut-wrenching anxiety that parents have about keeping their little ones safe. There’s absolutely no instinct in the world more powerful than the desire to protect your kids. Still, there’s a big difference between exercising due care and obsessing over unnecessary details. 

Bear in mind that baby monitors have not proven to be effective in reducing the incidence of SIDS.

Bear in mind that baby monitors have not proven to be effective in reducing the incidence of SIDS, so even with the millions, probably billions of these machines in nurseries around the world, they haven’t really done anything to prevent the one major catastrophe that parents are desperately trying to avoid.


Again, I don’t want to discourage the use of a monitor. But if you’re going to use one, remember what they were designed for. They’re for peace of mind and to inform you of a potential emergency, not to act as a call button demanding immediate attention every time you hear your baby stirring at night. 


Allowing them to fall back to sleep when they wake up in the night is important and actually essential if you want them to learn the skills they need to enjoy nights of restful, rejuvenating sleep regularly.


If you want to minimize the potential for SIDS, injuries, or other nighttime mishaps, check out the American Academy of Pediatrics guide to safe sleep. You’ll find some incredibly valuable information there. 


Most notably, put your baby on their back to sleep, keep the crib clear of any possible airway obstructions, don’t smoke, breastfeed if possible, and use a firm mattress and a tightly secured fitted sheet. That will go a lot further toward keeping your baby safe than even the most technologically advanced baby monitor ever could.


In short, if your baby monitor gives you peace of mind, keep using it. However, it’s time to make a change if it’s stressing you out. 

Ready to make a change for your family?
I can help you teach your baby or toddler independent sleep skills so they have control over their own sleep so they are sleeping peacefully through the night and napping like a champ. All while supporting you, mom, to gain peace of mind around baby's ability to sleep well and letting go of the baby monitor addiction. 

Book Your Free 20-minute Sleep Evaluation Call now and lets chat about what's going on in your family and how I can help. 

Let’s be real here. When we get right down to the heart of the matter, this is the question you really need an answer to, am I right? 

Your baby is regularly waking up sometime during the night, and when they do, they start to fuss, they need you to soothe them back to sleep somehow, and the disruptions to everyone’s sleep are leaving the entire family exhausted, baby included.
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Now, I’m not going to tell you there’s a simple “one-size-fits-all” solution to this problem because, after all, I’d have to find a new line of work if there were.
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But I am going to tell you that there’s almost always a single cause for a baby or toddler not being able to sleep through the night, and it’s the same reason in about 90% of the cases I deal with.

Before we get to that, though, let’s rule a couple of things out. 

​And that, I’m happy to tell you, pretty much sums it up.
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If your baby’s comfortable and fed, there’s really only one major reason why they can’t sleep through the night. 

Are you ready for it?

It’s because they don’t know how.

Now I know we’ve all heard the sound bites and talking points on social media. “Babies will sleep when they’re ready!” “Sleep is developmental!” “Just ride it out. It won’t last forever.” and so on. I have to admit to a little low-key rage whenever I read comments like that because… 
a) It doesn’t help and
b) It tells people to avoid fixing an issue that absolutely can and should be fixed!

If someone asked how to get a sliver out of their little one’s foot, would anyone respond with, “Just be patient. It’ll work its way out eventually. Hang in there mama! You’re doing great!”

I certainly hope not, although given some of the comments I’ve seen on social media, I wouldn’t say it’s out of the realm of possibility. 
(OK, that’s the end of my rant. Back to the good stuff!)

So what do I mean when I say that babies wake up because they don’t know how to sleep through the night?

All of us, babies and adults alike, sleep in cycles.

When we get to the end of a cycle, we’re no longer in a “deep” sleep. We’re hovering right around the point of waking up, and a lot of the time, we do wake up. Us adults have so much experience falling asleep, we can usually just look at the clock, realize we’ve still got a few more delicious hours before our alarm goes off, and we close our eyes, maybe roll over onto our other side, and go right back to sleep.

Babies haven’t had nearly as much practice, and very often, I mean VERY often, they get a bunch of help when it’s time for a snooze. They get bounced, shushed, cuddled, rocked, serenaded, taken for car rides, rolled around in their stroller, or fed to sleep. 
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So when they wake up after a sleep cycle, which again, is going to happen regularly for their entire lives, they can’t get back to sleep again without that extra help, so mom or dad needs to get up and repeat whatever process baby’s accustomed to.

​That’s the issue, and like I say, it’s the issue with about 90% of the babies I work with.

How do you address that issue? Well, that’s where things get tricky because the solution varies tremendously depending on the baby and their parent’s compatibility with various approaches to resolving the problem, but the cause is almost always a dependency on some form of sleep assistance from a caregiver.

So when you hear someone saying that babies don’t sleep through the night, or that it’s natural for them to wake up several times, that’s absolutely correct. 

When they tell you that all you can do is wait it out, that’s absurd. 
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You can absolutely teach your little one the skills they need to sleep through the night, and I’d be delighted to show you how. 

So you’re on the fence about this whole, “Teaching your baby to sleep,” thing.

On the one hand, you know that sleep is essential for everyone in your family. You’ve read all the literature and have come to agree with the consensus of the pediatric community that sleep is vital to your baby’s development and well-being.

You’re 100 percent positive that your little one needs some help learning how to sleep well, and you’re dedicated to helping them overcome this obstacle.
And on the other hand, you’re nervous as hell about it.

​Almost every parent I’ve worked with has started off absolutely riddled with anxiety. They know there’s a problem that needs fixing and they’re committed to that solution, but even with all of the research and evidence that this is a safe, effective process, they’re still on pins and needles.

Let me just throw a little disclaimer out in front of this post by saying that I’m neither a doctor nor a professional research scientist. I’m a sleep specialist with a fascination for all things sleep-related, and I follow the latest research and studies in the field.

Typically when I write these posts, I like to rely on peer-reviewed studies that have been evaluated, replicated, and borne out conclusive evidence to support them, but today I’m focusing on something that’s a little on the speculative side, since it’s a relatively new theory, and it’s a super interesting one for anyone with a seemingly “restless” baby.

Now, when a parent tells me they have a restless baby, I have a series of questions I tend to ask in order to determine whether it’s due to a “sleep prop.” That’s industry terminology for something that Baby’s grown dependent on in order to get to sleep. Breastfeeding to sleep, rocking to sleep, sucking on a pacifier, stroller rides, are all examples of these “sleep props.”

And most of the time I find that, yes, that’s absolutely the problem, and we address it and things get significantly better in a few nights.