“What are you looking forward to?” This is usually one of the first questions I ask parents when I partner with them. It helps them visualize what life will be like in just a couple of weeks when their baby sleeps soundly through the night and takes long, rejuvenating naps. For most parents, the answer is right there in the question. They just want their baby to get the sleep they need to be happy and healthy, and obviously, they want the same for themselves. But once they’ve moved past the first few blissful mornings when they wake up and realize that their baby has slept through the night and is still sleeping, they start to discover that a well-rested baby brings some unexpected benefits. The number one among them is the ability to leave the baby overnight with the grandparents. There’s something absolutely magical about sleepovers. Spending the night somewhere outside of your home has a very intimate quality to it. Whether you’re a young kid spending the night at a friend’s house, the first time you and your partner sleep in the same bed, or the first time you stay in a hotel on your own, sleeping somewhere forges an emotional connection, and for grandparents, having their grandchild sleep in their home is beyond special. It’s a reminder of their days as new parents, a living, breathing testament to the family they’ve built together, and a chance to wrap themselves up in all that family love that’s so saturating when there’s a baby in the house. For mom and dad, this is an opportunity to go out on a well-deserved date night! Most parents I work with haven’t enjoyed that luxury since the day they brought their baby home from the hospital, whether 3 months ago or 3 years ago. Hence, taking advantage of a reliable, enthusiastic (and usually free!) overnight babysitter allows them to reconnect in a way they haven’t enjoyed for far too long. OK, putting the sentiment aside for now, there is some groundwork to be done before you drop your little one off at your parents’ place. You’ve completed stage one, coach your baby, so now it’s time for stage two. Coach your parents. Now, obviously, some grandparents will be completely awesome, wonderful, and fully compliant with whatever you tell them to do vis-a-vis their grandchild. But not all of them. Some grandparents have very, shall we say, entrenched views on parenting. After all, you’re living proof of their expertise and experience. It can be a bit of a balancing act to insist that your parents respect your little one’s schedule and sleeping arrangements while still respecting their role as experienced and incredible caregivers. So today, I’d like to give you a few tips on how to do exactly that so your whole family, including those beloved members outside of your home, can benefit. 1. Respect Your Elders Above all, remember that these are not rookies. They’re seasoned veterans who have been through everything you’re going through now, so even though you may need to establish some ground rules, don’t approach it the same way you would a teenage babysitter. Demonstrating confidence in their abilities will help ensure that whatever rules you do lay down, they’ll be adhered to. 2. Be Authentic I see so many parents trying to play parenthood off as if they’ve got everything under control at all times, even with their own parents. I mean, if anyone knows how tough raising a child is, it’s grandparents, so don’t be shy to let them know how difficult it was to function when your baby was waking up every hour at night and how hard you’ve worked to remedy the situation. Understanding the emotional investment you’ve put into solving your little one’s sleep issues will help them feel a personal commitment to the routine. 3. Explain the Incentives Grandparents crave interaction with their grandkids. I mean, they absolutely crave it. They’re like baby-interaction vampires. Not that anyone can blame them, of course. Smiles and giggles and burps from a baby are wonderful to anyone, but to that baby’s grandparents, they’re positively life-affirming. As such, they tend to want to keep the baby awake longer than recommended. (This is especially true in the case of newborns, who can typically only handle about 45 minutes to 1 hour of awake time before they need to go back down for a nap.
4. Share Your Experience Suppose you’ve already got your baby sleeping well at night and napping well during the day. In that case, you know what a difference it makes to their personality. Personally, I could not believe the improvement in my baby’s mood once we had gotten the whole sleep situation figured out. Parenting was exponentially more enjoyable when my little one was basically always in a good mood. It may sound crazy, but I just liked being around my baby so much more.
5. Equate Sleeping With Feeding If there’s one thing a grandmother won’t abide, it’s a hungry baby. The average grandmother won’t accept a hungry anything, come to think of it. But when it comes to babies, they’ll move heaven and earth to make sure that little ones are adequately fed. Putting sleep on par with feeding priority-wise can help ensure that the same level of dedication gets devoted to getting baby down for naps and into bed on time. So when you’re going over the babysitting guidelines, try to avoid getting into the minutiae and stressing how important those two things are when they’re taking care of their grandchild. One last thing I’d like to mention here because I think it’s super important: there’s a good chance your parents might end up being guilty of a wee bit of sabotage. For example, if a baby wakes up at night and cries, they might respond immediately and feed them back to sleep. Or they might allow your toddler to sleep in their bed with them. They may hold them and rock them to sleep at bedtime. That can cause some severe anxiety for a parent who’s invested a whole lot of time, effort, and emotional capital into breaking those sleep associations. However, I want to reassure you that there’s typically no need to panic and call off any future sleepovers. Babies, even newborns, are surprisingly adept at recognizing different sleeping environments and understanding the rules in them, so just because they get rocked to sleep at grandma’s place doesn’t mean they’ll revert back to that expectation when you get them home. If they’ve developed some strong independent sleep skills, they’ll be back to normal pretty much immediately. So don’t lose your mind if your mom tells you she let baby fall asleep on her chest. A gentle suggestion that she not do it all the time, combined with the concession that you know how hard it is to resist a baby falling asleep on you, should be all that’s needed. AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. Don’t we all just adore the beautiful faces of our babies when we first wake up in the morning? Nothing starts the day off on such a high note as the look in the eyes of your little one when they’re first getting up for the day. But when that moment hits at 5:00 in the morning, it can undoubtedly take the blissful nature out of the situation. An early morning wake-up is rough on everyone. Your little one is likely not adequately rested and may have a rough day, and you, as the parent, could certainly use an extra hour or two of sleep! Suppose you find yourself struggling to cope with those early wake-ups. In that case, I’m happy to tell you that there’s almost always an explanation for why it’s happening, as well as a solution close at hand. Check out the following tips and see if anything applies to your baby’s situation, then make the appropriate changes. Then, you should start seeing a turn toward those blissful mornings you’ve been striving for.
Babies are more likely to wake up early if they’re too hot or cold, so ensure they’re dressed comfortably. (Typically, one layer more than an adult would wear while sleeping in the same environment.) Use white noise machines to drown out any disruptive sounds. Dim the lights in the room during nighttime and invest in blackout curtains to block out early morning sunlight.
It could include activities like a warm bath (which is my personal preference as the “first step.”), gentle massage, lullabies, or reading a bedtime story. Consistency is critical here, as it helps your baby anticipate sleep and prepares their body for a nice, long snooze.
Strike a balance between appropriate nap durations and an age-appropriate schedule. Observe your baby’s sleep patterns and gradually adjust nap times and lengths as needed to find the sweet spot.
Try a slightly earlier bedtime to ensure your little one is well-rested but not overtired. A well-rested baby is more likely to sleep longer and wake up at a reasonable hour.
Give them a chance to settle themselves back to sleep before intervening. Then, if they cry, wait a few minutes to see if they can self-soothe. Over time, they’ll become more skilled at drifting off to dreamland independently.
When baby wakes up at 5:00 as opposed to 3:00 AM, we’re more likely to give in and assume that they’re just not tired anymore, but if you’re shooting for a 7:00 wake up as “the norm,” then you should treat anything earlier than that as a nighttime wake-up and respond the same way you usually do if baby wakes up in the middle of the night. Early morning wake-ups in babies can be challenging, but you can improve their sleep patterns with patience and a few tweaks to their sleep routine. Remember, each baby is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. So be consistent, observe your baby’s cues, and be flexible in your approach. Before you know it, those early wake-up calls will become a thing of the past, and you’ll all be enjoying a few more blissful hours of sleep in the morning! AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. Is your little one waking up in the middle of the night? No, no, not like that. I mean, like really waking up. Waking up and staying up. For, like… hours. If you’re the parent of a baby who’s dealing with segmented sleep, you know exactly what I’m talking about. This isn’t the middle of the night. “Go in and comfort baby for ten minutes until he gets back to sleep” wake up. This is a full-blown 3:00 a.m. dance party. It’s got a few names. Segmented sleep, bifurcated sleep, split nights, and it describes a situation where your little one sleeps for a long stretch, then wakes up happy and energetic in the middle of the night and stays that way for an hour or more. Slit Nights aren’t a new or unnatural phenomenon. Back before the widespread use of the electric light bulb, people would regularly sleep for a few hours, wake up for another hour or two, then go back to sleep. They’d use the time to read, smoke, pray, and have sex (not necessarily all at once), and then after an hour or two, they’d get back into bed and sleep until morning. (Apparently, it was also a typical time for visiting one’s neighbours. Not to hate on the old days, but if my neighbours came over unannounced at three in the morning, oooohhh, things would get biblical.) Nowadays, however, the vast majority of us go to sleep at night and, hopefully, close our eyes and sleep straight through until morning. But let me guess… your baby didn’t get the memo? Split nights are actually a pretty common issue. Baby goes down at 7:30 at night, wakes up at 3:00 in the morning, parties her ass off for an hour and a half, then goes back to sleep, apparently careless about the groggy, miserable day she’s set her parents up for. So let’s take a quick look at why this happens, and then we’ll learn how to solve the problem. Why Do Split Nights Happen? There are two major drivers when it comes to sleep. First, there’s our circadian rhythm, which is our natural tendency to fall asleep when it’s dark and wake up when it’s light. Then there’s our homeostatic sleep drive, commonly known as sleep pressure, which builds up over the time we’re awake. So ideally, over the course of the day, sleep pressure builds up, then at bedtime, when the pressure hits the sweet spot, baby puts her head down and goes to sleep. Then, as that sleep pressure begins to subside, circadian rhythm takes over, and baby stays asleep until morning. In the case of a split night, we could be looking at one of two reasons why they’re waking up. ● Baby’s not getting to bed early enough, OR… ● Baby’s going to bed too early. Now before you pitch your phone out the window at that seemingly paradoxical explanation, check this out. How to Fix Split Nights? If baby’s getting to bed too late, if too much sleep pressure has built up, the brain has this instinctive response that says, “Hey, you’re tired, but you’re not sleeping. I’m guessing that’s because there’s a carnivorous apex predator around, so we’d better get ready to make a break for it,” and then starts upping the cortisol levels. The brain means well, but it’s a little behind the times on our need for lion alerts. So this can make it tough for baby to get to sleep at bedtime since that cortisol’s got them a little bit jacked. It can also cause a full wake-up at the end of a sleep cycle, which commonly happens around 2 or 3 in the morning. Ugh. If this is the case, you’re one of the lucky ones. Treat this like any other nighttime wake-up, reassure baby that it’s still bedtime, comfort her and let her get back to sleep on her own, and consider moving bedtime up a bit over the course of a few nights. But then there’s the alternate scenario. What if baby gets to bed too early? In a situation where baby’s getting lots of quality daytime sleep and going to bed early, it’s possible that there’s not enough sleep pressure built up to keep baby sleeping until their circadian rhythm takes over and helps them sleep through the rest of the night, so up they get. And now that there isn’t as much sleep pressure, and their circadian rhythm doesn’t have the horsepower to get them to sleep on their own, suddenly they’re up and active for an hour (or three!) while that pressure builds back up. Now, I’m all about early bedtimes. Too little sleep is a much bigger problem than too much. But suppose your baby’s experiencing this kind of split-night sleep. In that case, it’s worth looking at their schedule and doing a little fine-tuning to ensure that you’re hitting the optimum sleep pressure right at the same time that baby’s going to bed for the night. I know plenty of situations can arise where you’ll want to get baby to bed a little early. For example, if she had a day of lousy naps and is clearly tired half an hour before bedtime, it’s the right move to get her to bed ahead of schedule. But try to avoid putting baby to bed early, more than one or two nights in a row. We want to prevent over-tiredness, but we also don’t want them in the crib at night for more time than they’re actually capable of sleeping. So if baby’s had a tough day and didn’t nap well, it’s fine to get her to bed a little early since that sleep pressure is likely already built up, but try to get her back onto the regular schedule starting the next morning, including her wake-up time. I know that this can all start to sound like an immaculately choreographed ballet. In some ways, it can be pretty complicated. Still, the more you understand the nuances and know where to make those minor adjustments, the better your baby will sleep. The less they’ll run into these regressions, setbacks, and interruptions. One final thing to consider if you’re getting ready to tackle this situation. This is not likely to be an overnight fix. Once baby has gotten into this habit, getting them out of it can take some time. Like any attachment or dependency, overcoming it is an incremental process, and it’s likely to meet with some pushback, so if and when things get tough, remember your goal. You’re giving your little one the skills they need to sleep soundly through the night, and that contributes to their well-being in so many different ways. So stay consistent, be patient, and before too long, you and your baby will both be enjoying full nights of deep, restful sleep. AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. It’s 2:00 AM, you’re sleeping peacefully in your bed, and you suddenly wake up; not entirely sure why, but as you start to gain awareness of your surroundings. You become aware, to your horror, that there’s someone in the room with you! You hear the sound of their voice, and they whisper those four words that chill every parent to the bone.
“Mom, I can’t sleep.” Fear of the dark usually starts to show up around the 2 to 3-year mark. As preschoolers’ minds mature, their memory gets longer, and their imagination develops. They’ve almost certainly taken a spill on the playground or had some kind of traumatic incident by this point, so they’re aware there are things out there that can hurt them. They’ve also probably seen a few movies or been read a few books that touch on a couple of spooky or eerie elements, even if they’re geared towards children. Where the Wild Things Are, for all of its charm, gave me a serious case of the willies when I was a preschooler. As adults, we’re experienced enough to recognize that the dark isn’t inherently dangerous (although if your preschooler tends to leave Legos lying around, you might argue to the contrary.) But for preschoolers, there’s no history to draw on to assure them they’re safe and secure after the lights go out. So my first and most important piece of advice when you’re addressing your little one’s fear of the dark is this… Don’t slough it off. Fear of the dark can be a tricky landscape to navigate. On the one hand, we absolutely want to show empathy and understanding when something frightens our kids. But, on the other, we don’t want to add fuel to the fire. This is why I’m not a big fan of “monster repellent” or nightly closet checks. Consider this scenario: You’re concerned, rationally or not, that there’s an intruder in your house. You mention it to your spouse, who hands you a can of pepper spray and, looks around the room, says, “Nope, I don’t see anyone. Anyways, I’m headed out for the night! Have a good sleep!” I mean, you might not file for divorce on the spot, but you’d consider it, right? So when we tell our kids, “Nope! No monsters here! Not that I noticed, anyway, so you’re all good,” it’s not nearly as soothing as you might think. It’s easy to see how they could interpret that as, “Yeah, there’s absolutely such a thing as monsters, they’re scary as hell, and they do tend to live in kids’ closets, but I don’t see one in there at the moment, so... y’know. Sleep tight! So that covers what I consider to be the wrong way to handle the situation. How about some advice on the right way to handle the situation? As I said earlier, dismissing your little one’s fears as irrational or unfounded isn’t all that helpful, so ask some questions when they express a fear of the dark. Digging into their concerns is beneficial in a couple of ways. First, it lets them know you’re taking them seriously, which is very reassuring. Second, it also helps you to assess what it is about the darkness that frightens them and allows you to address it. For example, if they tell you they’re seeing things moving around their room, it might be caused by shadows. Headlights from cars driving by can often shine enough light through curtains or blinds to throw shadows across the room. Coupled with a preschooler’s imagination, that can create some seriously intimidating scenes. In that situation, a nightlight or blackout blinds can be a quick, effective solution. Tip: Go for Both! They both have multiple benefits when it comes to preschoolers sleeping habits. If you’re going to use a nightlight, make sure it’s a warm colour. Blue lights may look soothing, but they stimulate cortisol production, which is the last thing we want at bedtime. Getting a device like the Hatch Baby Rest can help your preschoolers sleep in multiple ways. Setting the night light to a dim red colour can help with melatonin production, soothe some of these new night time fears and the Hatch can be used as a time-to-wake-up device (plus as a white noise machine which I always recommend). Blackout curtains also have multiple benefits when it comes to sleep strategies. The darker the room the better it is for your child's sleep. Try SleepOut Blackout Curtains; they are made of material that completely blacks out the light, it also helps to eliminate environmental noise from outside, and they help to regulate the temperature in your kiddos’ room. They are a phenomenal product! Use the code ToTheMoonSleep10 for a discount on your purchase. You're going to have to dig for information. Now, that’s a bit of a Utopian scenario. As you’re likely already aware, getting a clear, concise answer from a preschooler about anything is tricky. To a preschooler, “Paw Patrol” is a reasonable answer to “What do you want for lunch?” So you’ll likely have to work with slightly more obscure information, but we’re showing concern, which goes a long way here. For many preschoolers, bedtime is the only time of the day when they’re left alone. They’re either playing with friends, hanging close to their parents, or being supervised in some way, shape, or form by a grown-up. Bedtime is also the only time they’re exposed to darkness, so you can see how the two things together could easily cause some anxiety. Spend some time together in the dark. So the obvious (and super fun!) way to ease some of that apprehension is to spend some time together in the dark. Reading books under a blanket with a dim flashlight is a great activity. Some hide and seek with the lights out is tons of fun as well, just as long as you clear any tripping hazards out of the area you’re going to be playing in. (It doesn’t have to be pitch black. We just want to get some positive associations with low-light situations.) Shadow puppets are a great time, even though I’m personally terrible at them. Hide-and-Clap is a classic, but if you’ve ever seen The Conjuring, you’ll know why it might leave you with nightmares as opposed to your preschooler. A quick Google search will load you up with dozens of ideas, so pick two or three that you think your child will like, then let them choose one. This isn’t likely to be an overnight fix! But stay respectful, calm, and consistent. After your little one’s fears have been addressed and they’ve learned that the darkness is more fun than frightening, you’ll start seeing more consolidated sleep and fewer visits in the middle of the night. One last little tip, turning down the lights gradually as your little one’s bedtime approaches is an excellent way to ease them into a dark setting and also helps to stimulate melatonin production, which will help them get to sleep easier. Two birds, one stone. Parenting level: Master. I’m guessing we all know what I’m referring to here and that I’m not using industry jargon when I refer to a “False Start,” but just in case, let’s define it before we go any further. Unless you’re very lucky, I mean exceptionally lucky, you’ve experienced one of the false starts firsthand. You put your little one down for the night. They close their eyes, nod off, and then wake up again in about 20-30 minutes. So that specific situation is what we’re referring to here. The reason it’s essential to distinguish between this scenario and the regular old “nighttime wake up” is because different things cause them and therefore have different solutions. A nighttime wake-up is similar, obviously, but occurs after baby’s been asleep for at least an hour or so. Nighttime wake-ups are usually the result of either hunger or a baby’s inability to string their sleep cycles together. Suppose your baby’s over six months of age and had a full feed before bed. In that case, hunger likely isn’t the culprit. Suppose they’re unable to string their sleep cycles together, well. In that case, that’s another conversation altogether and a great reason to hire a pediatric sleep consultant. *Wink wink* But false starts, as I mentioned, are a different animal and can often be solved relatively easily. So the first step, as with any problem, is to identify the cause, and when it comes to false starts, here are the three usual suspects. What are the causes of false starts? 1. Discomfort If your baby’s uncomfortable, there’s a good chance they won’t sleep well, as is the case with anybody of any age. Teething, gas, reflux, or even being too warm or too cool can cause babies to wake up quickly after they first settle. You can likely find temporary or permanent remedies to the first three by talking to your pediatrician. As for the temperature issue, I have a really handy guide to dressing your baby appropriately for different temperature nurseries that I’d be delighted to share with you. Just fire me an email, and I’ll send it your way, free of charge. 2. Lack of Pressure There are two things that help us fall asleep. One is our circadian rhythm, which signals our brain to start producing melatonin when it gets dark. And homeostatic sleep drive, which is the body’s natural urge to sleep as we spend time awake, exert ourselves physically, heal from sickness or injury, or experience exciting or stressful situations. Given how quickly they’re developing, babies’ homeostatic sleep drive builds up much quicker than in the average adult. (A big part of why they need so much daytime sleep.) But as they get older, that pressure accumulation starts to slow down and requires more time awake between naps to build up to the point where they can fall asleep and stay asleep at bedtime. If your baby takes a long time to fall asleep when you first put them down for the night and seems active and happy during that time, low sleep pressure could likely be the cause. It may be time to either drop a nap or reschedule their naps to allow that pressure to build up appropriately before bed. 3. Over-tiredness This is where things can get a little challenging because, contrary to popular belief, over-tiredness doesn’t look like a more intense version of regular tiredness. Instead, over-tiredness causes cortisol secretion at the time when we want it the least and actually causes babies to get quite energetic, making it difficult for them to get to sleep. So, in this case, you might want to move bedtime up by 20-30 minutes. And that’s the rub because, as you might already have noticed, we’re now dealing with the same symptoms we had in the earlier scenario. Instead of baby not getting enough awake time before bed, they’ve actually had too much. So two completely opposite causes result in very similar symptoms but require opposite solutions, which makes it challenging to know which course of action to take to remedy the situation. How do you know which scenario you're dealing with? So, how do you know which scenario you’re dealing with and implement the proper fix? Well, I have a great little scheduling table that I’d be happy to share with you (once again, just send me an email), or you could try the trial-and-error approach. If you do, though, I strongly suggest you start by moving bedtime up. Overtiredness is a vicious cycle once it takes hold. Baby doesn’t sleep well, which results in short, fitful naps the next day, which leads to insufficient sleep at night, and on and on it goes. So it’s much safer to move bedtime earlier and see if that solves the problem. Hopefully, one of these solutions takes care of your little one’s false starts. But if the problem persists, it might be time to consider some one-on-one help from a pediatric sleep consultant, and it just so happens that I know a great one living in Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canada. :) Book Your Free 20-Minute Sleep Evaluation to chat with me more about what's happening with your little one's sleep and I can explain how I can help and which program is best suited for your family. AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. I get it. I really do. After all, I’m a mom too. The absolutely uncontrollable and primal impulse to stay close to your baby is so deeply rooted in our DNA that it’s almost frightening sometimes. I’m sure evolutionary defensive instincts are what’s at play in this phenomenon. But it feels more like love to me. I just love this little human to the point where I want to be in contact with them 24/7, 365. And hey, baby doesn’t seem to mind, and there’s just something so beautiful, so maternal, about sleeping next to your baby that it almost seems crazy not to. Or at least that’s how some of us felt until the first week or two of co-sleeping. Then it was more like, “Listen, I love you; you love me; that’s established. But I can’t sleep next to someone who hasn’t yet figured out the etiquette involved in sleeping next to another person. And jamming your thumb in my eye at 3:30 A.M. is just simply outside of the lines.” I have spoken to plenty of parents who co-sleep and who swear by it. Some of them even have more than one kid sleeping in bed with them. Power to them. If they enjoy it and they’re doing it *safely, I say co-sleep your heart out. But I’ve spoken to more than a few parents who are big on co-sleeping but are still being woken up by feet in their face or thumbs in their eyes several times a night and want to know if sleep training will get their little ones to stop squirming or waking up fifteen times a night to nurse. Which, for the record, your eighteen-month-old does not need to do. I really wish I had a more satisfying answer for those parents because, as I say, I sympathize entirely. I understand wanting those two best-case scenarios to live in harmony. Sleep next to your baby but have them not wake you up repeatedly through the night. That would be magical, no question. Unfortunately, it’s not really all that likely for a couple of reasons. One, toddlers are often very animated sleepers. It’s just a fact. They twist and turn and readjust themselves a thousand times a night and often end up entirely on the other side of a queen-sized bed with their feet towards the headboard. Two, your baby thinks you’re just the greatest. When they wake up in the night and see you lying next to them, they get excited. They want you to interact with them, so they try to engage with you. Unfortunately, since they’re still unaware of societal norms, they don’t know enough to lie on your shoulder and quietly whisper, “Are you awake?” So instead, they do it by jamming their finger in your ear or slapping you on the forehead. It’s not polite, but man, it’s effective! So why can’t sleep training alleviate this? Simply put, because it’s not a sedative. Sleep training is all about teaching your baby the skills to fall back to sleep on their own when they wake up in the night. That’s a slight simplification, but at its core, that’s what we’re doing. We’re not doing anything that will get your baby to fall into stage 3 sleep and stay there for a solid 11 hours. That’s a job for Ambien, and there are obvious reasons why we’re not going down that road. So while it’s possible that you could see some success in your child’s sleep habits by teaching them independent sleep skills, you’re not likely to see the same kind of results you will if you get them sleeping in their own bed, in their own room, without any distractions. Leery about giving up the snuggles For those who are leery about giving up those magical cuddles in your bed, I have a suggestion that has helped my own family and many of those I’ve worked with. Set aside fifteen or twenty minutes every morning after your kids are out of bed and well-rested, and bring them into your bed. Cuddle them, play with them, sing some songs, play-wrestle, whatever their hearts desire. You can both still enjoy the closeness and familial bond that comes with sharing a bed without creating any associations that might mess with their ability to get to sleep at night and without waking each other up. If you’ve already been co-sleeping for quite a while and have decided it’s time to reclaim your bedroom, but your little one has other ideas, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. I’ve worked with families to get them through this exact scenario with tremendous success, and I can help yours too. Book Your Free 20-minute Sleep Evaluation and let's get your family sleeping. *Always follow all *Safe Baby Sleep Guidelines. AuthorErin Neri - Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. I can’t remember where I saw it, but I distinctly recall Matthew McConaughey talking about the simplicity of raising a baby, saying, “They eat, they crap, they sleep, and if they're crying, they need to do one of the three, and they're having trouble doing it. Real simple” While I agree with him to an extent on the first part, I vehemently disagree with the second one. Any of those three elements can be caused by many factors, either on their own or in combination with others. Identifying the problem may be simple, but determining the cause is a much trickier ordeal. When it comes to sleep, so many factors might impede your little one’s ability just to lay their head down and go to sleep when they’re tired. Hormone levels may be out of balance, they may be in some kind of physical discomfort, too hot or too cold, they may be overtired or not tired enough; the possibilities can seem endless. However, as a child sleep expert, I can tell you that light is one of the most prominent causes of fractured sleep in our little ones. Exposure to blue light has been shown to decrease baby’s feelings of drowsiness, increase the time it takes them to fall asleep, reduce deep sleep, and affect their ability to stay asleep.
Over time, our bodies began secreting hormones to help us sleep when it started to get dark (melatonin) and to provide stimulation when it got light (cortisol). This all worked pretty beautifully right up until a technological breakthrough that, quite literally, changed everything. In 1879, the world was introduced to the electric lightbulb, and before long, we had access to light at all hours and in every room of the house. “Wait,” you may be thinking, “What about candles? People didn’t live in the dark until the lightbulb was invented!" And you’re absolutely right, but the big difference between fire light and the light from electric lightbulbs is the wavelength.
So, as the lightbulb became more accessible, and as the filaments evolved, we started swapping out the long wavelength red or yellow light from candles for the short wavelength blue light from electric bulbs. Why does that matter? Well, to take it back to our ancestors again, the light we get from the sun during the day comes directly down through the atmosphere, which means it’s not being refracted, which results in short-wavelength or “blue” light. So when your little one asks you why the sky is blue, that’s a big part of the answer. When the sun starts to set, it refracts off the atmosphere, which stretches out the wavelength, creating red light. So, again, a big part of the reason the sky turns red during sunset. So our bodies and brains evolved to recognize these cues from the sun and started secreting those hormones at the appropriate time of day to either help us wake up and get going or to settle down and go to sleep. But once we brought blue light into the house, you can see how our brains started to get confused. Our eyes started picking up “daytime” light well into the night, our brains kept secreting cortisol to keep us alert, started blocking the release of melatonin, and sleep suddenly found itself fighting an uphill battle. Fast forward about a hundred years, and we see the invention of the television, which emits a ton of blue light. Not long afterwards, computer monitors, LEDs, smartphones, and tablets became a favourite pastime for our little ones, which can have a massive impact on their sleep.
Still, others have shown that exposure to red light, while much less inhibitive to sleep than blue light, resulted in similar or slightly less melatonin production than if baby just slept in the dark. A red light in the nursery isn’t likely to help improve your little one’s sleep, assuming they’re already sleeping in a dark room. However, suppose you need a light in the nursery for diaper changes or nighttime feedings. In that case, the red light is absolutely, positively the way to go. Some other light management tips that will help your baby sleep better at night include:
Let me just say, in closing, I love technology! I love the convenience that my phone provides, I watch what I consider a reasonable amount of TV, and I think that adequately managed tablets offer a great source of free entertainment and educational opportunities for children. I’m not trying to suggest that you should throw every blue light-emitting device in the trash and go back to candlelight in the house. However, as long as you know the facts about how the light from these devices can affect your baby’s sleep. Then, it should prove relatively easy to make a few modifications and create rules around their usage so they have almost zero impact on a long night of sweet, restorative sleep for your whole family. Want more tips for getting your little one to sleep through the night? Then, head over to the home page and grab your Free Download to my 7-Tips To Get Your Little One to Sleep Through The Night. Happy Sleeping Erin AuthorErin Neri - Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. Let me just throw a little disclaimer out in front of this post by saying that I’m neither a doctor nor a professional research scientist. I’m a sleep specialist with a fascination for all things sleep-related, and I follow the latest research and studies in the field. Typically when I write these posts, I like to rely on peer-reviewed studies that have been evaluated, replicated, and borne out conclusive evidence to support them, but today I’m focusing on something that’s a little on the speculative side, since it’s a relatively new theory, and it’s a super interesting one for anyone with a seemingly “restless” baby. Now, when a parent tells me they have a restless baby, I have a series of questions I tend to ask in order to determine whether it’s due to a “sleep prop.” That’s industry terminology for something that Baby’s grown dependent on in order to get to sleep. Breastfeeding to sleep, rocking to sleep, sucking on a pacifier, stroller rides, are all examples of these “sleep props.” And most of the time I find that, yes, that’s absolutely the problem, and we address it and things get significantly better in a few nights. I first heard mention of an interesting theory during the 2019 World Sleep Conference and was really interested to hear more about it, but didn’t want to write about it until a little more string had been played out in the research department. And even though it’s still too early to state anything unequivocally, I thought the time might be right to at least share what I’ve learned so far, so here goes... So we’re all familiar with iron, right? Everybody knows about iron, the essential mineral that helps red blood cells carry oxygen around the body. That function right there makes iron a downright essential component of our circulatory system and therefore our overall health. Iron deficiency, commonly known as anemia, also happens to be the single most common nutritional deficiency worldwide. The vast majority of those cases are in developing countries, but the numbers in North America and Europe are still alarmingly high. In the US alone, there are around 2.8 million visits to physicians annually where anemia is the primary diagnosis. So, in short, a LOT of people aren’t getting enough iron. Now, if you follow health news at all, you’ve also probably heard a lot about something called Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) lately. If you’re not familiar, RLS, also known as Willis-Ekbom Disease, is exactly what it sounds like; a condition that makes your legs feel restless. People with RLS describe the sensation as an irresistible urge to move accompanied by uncomfortable sensations in their lower limbs. Standing up and moving their legs typically remedies the feeling almost instantly, but only temporarily. Symptoms occur more frequently when individuals are sleeping or lying down. RLS is also a bit of a mystery when it comes to its cause. According to the National Institute of Health, “In most cases, the cause of RLS is unknown. However, RLS has a genetic component and can be found in families where the onset of symptoms is before age 40. Specific gene variants have been associated with RLS. Evidence indicates that low levels of iron in the brain also may be responsible for RLS.” So now comes the big question… could those restless babies that I was talking about earlier possibly be suffering from some variety of Restless Leg Syndrome due to an iron deficiency? In a 2008 joint study from the Southern Illinois University and Carle Clinic Association, 1.9% and 2% of children and adolescents respectively were shown to have Restless Leg Syndrome. A 2020 study from the BC Children's Hospital Research Institute entitled Iron deficiency and sleep - A scoping review, found that iron supplementation was tremendously effective in treating a number of sleep disorders, including RLS. Sample sizes were small and the data collection process leaves a little to be desired, but it’s still a good indication that iron plays a big role in the quality of sleep. Unfortunately, diagnosing RLS isn’t an exact science. There are no markers or proteins to test for. It’s done by a doctor’s evaluation of the patient’s description of their symptoms, and for that reason, the only people who have been diagnosed are individuals who are capable of explaining what they’re experiencing. And guess who that leaves out… You guessed it; Babies, toddlers, and as theorized in a 2005 study, a significant number of children.
So back we go to the 2019 World Sleep Conference where one of the speakers put forth the theory that either RLS, or a variant of it, might be responsible for some babies being overly restless. Restless Sleep Disorder, as researchers have described it, hasn’t been thoroughly researched yet, but evidence suggests that it could be an early variant of restless leg syndrome which in some cases could be caused by insufficient iron levels. Or, as they more eloquently put it in their conclusion, “We have characterized clinically and polysomnographically children with RSD and attempted a new diagnostic category. We also have identified an association between RDS and iron deficiency. Future larger studies are needed to confirm these findings and evaluate the natural progression of restless sleepers.” So again, I’m not trying to offer medical advice here. I just thought this whole line of research and discovery was fascinating and wanted to share it with all of you. If your little one is one of those overly animated sleepers, it might be worth asking your pediatrician to check their iron levels. Even if it’s not the cause of their sleepless nights, anemia is something you’ll want to remedy. And remember, if your baby fits into the other category, the much more prominent category who have trouble falling asleep because of their dependency on a “prop,” I’m here to help you solve that problem. It may not be as simple as taking an iron supplement, but I can say unreservedly that it’s worth the effort to get your baby sleeping through the night. AuthorErin Neri - Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. As a pediatric sleep consultant, there are a few questions I’ve grown accustomed to hearing. People are understandably curious about whether or not their child is going to cry, and if so, for how long. They want to know how long it’s going to take before baby starts sleeping through the night, and when they’ll be able to do the same.
And even though they never come right out and say it in so many words, they want to know if there’s some kind of magical solution that will solve the problem instantaneously without any effort, crying, or protest. |
To The Moon and Back Sleep ConsultingProviding families the tools & support they need to get their little ones sleeping through the night and napping like champs! Everyone has more fun when they are well rested! Visit Wollino - Discount Code: TOTHEMOONANDBACK10
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