So, you want to know how to help your little one get better naps. We will start with the sleep environment and ensure it's set up for optimal sleep. Darkness plays a vital role in the quality and quantity of our sleep. So, I always start with the room's darkness and ensure it's blacked out! And I mean blacked out, like CAVE DARK, can't see anything black. If you want to see what I mean when I say cave dark, email me, and I'll send you my Black Out Chart to give you a really good visual of what's dark in my world. Good quality blackout curtains will help darken the room, obviously, but they also help regulate the temperature in the room and block out environmental noises from waking Baby. SleepOut Portable Blackout Curtains are the ones I recommend to families (Discount Code: TOTHEMOONSLEEP10). Make sure Baby is not too hot and not too cold. Use sleep sacs once Baby is out of the swaddle. Baby's room should be between 19-21 Degrees Celsius. Next, I would ensure that all safe sleep guidelines are followed and that there is nothing in the crib but Baby and their sleep sack (under 12 months of age). There should be nothing hanging from the crib either, no mobiles. I have already touched on safe baby sleep guidelines on the blog, but they must be mentioned here again. If you need clarification on the most up-to-date guidelines, email me, and I'll send you the guide my one-on-one parents receive from me. Next, I suggest parents use a white noise machine for all sleep situations, not just naps. White noise can help babies connect sleep cycles and drown out environmental noises from waking baby. You want to make sure that you are using white, pink or brown noise. Not music or whale calls or lake scenes with wild birds chirping. These things will be to stimulating and wake up Baby's brain. Another suggestion along those lines is using an Ok-to-Wake device like the Hatch Rested+. These will give you light when you must attend to Baby at night. You want to have it set on a dim red for sleep time as this helps the brain during the night to produce melatonin. The other thing these Ok-to-Wake Devices or Toddler Clocks do is to give Baby something tangible to look for to know when it's time to wake up in the morning or from a nap. When it hasn't changed to green to signal that it's morning or the end of nap time, they can roll over and go back to sleep between sleep cycles. Ok-to-Wake Devices can also cut down on early morning wakings and crying in the morning. They learn that someone will come and get them up when the clock changes to yellow or green. They don't have to cry to signal that they are awake. In my experience, it's never too early to start teaching babies how to recognize the Ok-to-Wake Device changes. Babies are way smarter and more capable than we realize. The earlier, the better. All naps should take place in the crib or bassinet. This is the safest place for Baby. Plus, since you have blacked out Baby's room and followed all of the other suggestions above, it's probably the only appropriate sleep place for her to nap. Now, let's move on to following an Eat, Play, Sleep Routine. This means what it sounds like. When baby wakes in the morning from a full night's rest, we want to feed baby. Now because baby just had a 12-hour sleep, she should not be sleepy during this feed. Then it's time for learning, connection and playtime. Now depending on Baby's age and wake windows, they should not need another feed before going back down to sleep. And if they do, chances are they are old enough for a solid's snack to top them off before nap time. Ensure you are not feeding Baby breast or bottle at least 1 hour before going down for a sleep. Yes, this means Baby will go down in the crib awake; wide awake is best. Following this schedule, babies are not fed to sleep; they use independent sleep skills. They are in control of their sleep and nap like champs. Next, let's talk about wake windows. You want to make sure that you are following age-appropriate wake windows. These are going to vary and increase as Baby gets older. There are ranges in these wake windows, so it's up to parents to help Baby find that sweet spot. Check out this blog post here to learn more about age-appropriate wake windows. To help find that sweet spot and make sure baby isn't overtired. Put baby down awake 10-mins before the end of the awake window. This gives Baby time to roll around, get comfortable and calm into sleep. If you are seeing a lot of sleepy cues from your baby, then you are likely missing their window. Baby is going into the crib overtired, and you are likely hearing about it. Try this 10 minutes before the end of the awake window trick, and you may have found your baby's sweet spot. Now that you have found your Baby's sweet spot for sleep, it's time to let him get to sleep. Baby drifts off happily into sleep and doesn't make a peep. My final tip is going to be for those catnappers out there. Do not assume that Baby is done sleeping after only 20-30-mins of sleep. This is generally not enough sleep, and they require more. But it can be hard to connect sleep cycles during the day. Babies need the time and the space to learn this skill. After Baby wakes up, give them some time and space to get back to sleep. Institute crib hour and keep baby in their dark sleep space for up to 1 hr "of sleep." Now I know that this sounds easier than it is to implement, and several other factors come into play when helping Baby learn to sleep well independently and get back to sleep from a short nap. So, if you are struggling with your baby's sleep or lack of sleep skills, please book a Free 20-minute Sleep Evaluation. We can discuss how I can help your baby learn to nap like a champ and sleep through the night (11-12 hrs). AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. Don’t we all just adore the beautiful faces of our babies when we first wake up in the morning? Nothing starts the day off on such a high note as the look in the eyes of your little one when they’re first getting up for the day. But when that moment hits at 5:00 in the morning, it can undoubtedly take the blissful nature out of the situation. An early morning wake-up is rough on everyone. Your little one is likely not adequately rested and may have a rough day, and you, as the parent, could certainly use an extra hour or two of sleep! Suppose you find yourself struggling to cope with those early wake-ups. In that case, I’m happy to tell you that there’s almost always an explanation for why it’s happening, as well as a solution close at hand. Check out the following tips and see if anything applies to your baby’s situation, then make the appropriate changes. Then, you should start seeing a turn toward those blissful mornings you’ve been striving for.
Babies are more likely to wake up early if they’re too hot or cold, so ensure they’re dressed comfortably. (Typically, one layer more than an adult would wear while sleeping in the same environment.) Use white noise machines to drown out any disruptive sounds. Dim the lights in the room during nighttime and invest in blackout curtains to block out early morning sunlight.
It could include activities like a warm bath (which is my personal preference as the “first step.”), gentle massage, lullabies, or reading a bedtime story. Consistency is critical here, as it helps your baby anticipate sleep and prepares their body for a nice, long snooze.
Strike a balance between appropriate nap durations and an age-appropriate schedule. Observe your baby’s sleep patterns and gradually adjust nap times and lengths as needed to find the sweet spot.
Try a slightly earlier bedtime to ensure your little one is well-rested but not overtired. A well-rested baby is more likely to sleep longer and wake up at a reasonable hour.
Give them a chance to settle themselves back to sleep before intervening. Then, if they cry, wait a few minutes to see if they can self-soothe. Over time, they’ll become more skilled at drifting off to dreamland independently.
When baby wakes up at 5:00 as opposed to 3:00 AM, we’re more likely to give in and assume that they’re just not tired anymore, but if you’re shooting for a 7:00 wake up as “the norm,” then you should treat anything earlier than that as a nighttime wake-up and respond the same way you usually do if baby wakes up in the middle of the night. Early morning wake-ups in babies can be challenging, but you can improve their sleep patterns with patience and a few tweaks to their sleep routine. Remember, each baby is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. So be consistent, observe your baby’s cues, and be flexible in your approach. Before you know it, those early wake-up calls will become a thing of the past, and you’ll all be enjoying a few more blissful hours of sleep in the morning! AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. Is your little one waking up in the middle of the night? No, no, not like that. I mean, like really waking up. Waking up and staying up. For, like… hours. If you’re the parent of a baby who’s dealing with segmented sleep, you know exactly what I’m talking about. This isn’t the middle of the night. “Go in and comfort baby for ten minutes until he gets back to sleep” wake up. This is a full-blown 3:00 a.m. dance party. It’s got a few names. Segmented sleep, bifurcated sleep, split nights, and it describes a situation where your little one sleeps for a long stretch, then wakes up happy and energetic in the middle of the night and stays that way for an hour or more. Slit Nights aren’t a new or unnatural phenomenon. Back before the widespread use of the electric light bulb, people would regularly sleep for a few hours, wake up for another hour or two, then go back to sleep. They’d use the time to read, smoke, pray, and have sex (not necessarily all at once), and then after an hour or two, they’d get back into bed and sleep until morning. (Apparently, it was also a typical time for visiting one’s neighbours. Not to hate on the old days, but if my neighbours came over unannounced at three in the morning, oooohhh, things would get biblical.) Nowadays, however, the vast majority of us go to sleep at night and, hopefully, close our eyes and sleep straight through until morning. But let me guess… your baby didn’t get the memo? Split nights are actually a pretty common issue. Baby goes down at 7:30 at night, wakes up at 3:00 in the morning, parties her ass off for an hour and a half, then goes back to sleep, apparently careless about the groggy, miserable day she’s set her parents up for. So let’s take a quick look at why this happens, and then we’ll learn how to solve the problem. Why Do Split Nights Happen? There are two major drivers when it comes to sleep. First, there’s our circadian rhythm, which is our natural tendency to fall asleep when it’s dark and wake up when it’s light. Then there’s our homeostatic sleep drive, commonly known as sleep pressure, which builds up over the time we’re awake. So ideally, over the course of the day, sleep pressure builds up, then at bedtime, when the pressure hits the sweet spot, baby puts her head down and goes to sleep. Then, as that sleep pressure begins to subside, circadian rhythm takes over, and baby stays asleep until morning. In the case of a split night, we could be looking at one of two reasons why they’re waking up. ● Baby’s not getting to bed early enough, OR… ● Baby’s going to bed too early. Now before you pitch your phone out the window at that seemingly paradoxical explanation, check this out. How to Fix Split Nights? If baby’s getting to bed too late, if too much sleep pressure has built up, the brain has this instinctive response that says, “Hey, you’re tired, but you’re not sleeping. I’m guessing that’s because there’s a carnivorous apex predator around, so we’d better get ready to make a break for it,” and then starts upping the cortisol levels. The brain means well, but it’s a little behind the times on our need for lion alerts. So this can make it tough for baby to get to sleep at bedtime since that cortisol’s got them a little bit jacked. It can also cause a full wake-up at the end of a sleep cycle, which commonly happens around 2 or 3 in the morning. Ugh. If this is the case, you’re one of the lucky ones. Treat this like any other nighttime wake-up, reassure baby that it’s still bedtime, comfort her and let her get back to sleep on her own, and consider moving bedtime up a bit over the course of a few nights. But then there’s the alternate scenario. What if baby gets to bed too early? In a situation where baby’s getting lots of quality daytime sleep and going to bed early, it’s possible that there’s not enough sleep pressure built up to keep baby sleeping until their circadian rhythm takes over and helps them sleep through the rest of the night, so up they get. And now that there isn’t as much sleep pressure, and their circadian rhythm doesn’t have the horsepower to get them to sleep on their own, suddenly they’re up and active for an hour (or three!) while that pressure builds back up. Now, I’m all about early bedtimes. Too little sleep is a much bigger problem than too much. But suppose your baby’s experiencing this kind of split-night sleep. In that case, it’s worth looking at their schedule and doing a little fine-tuning to ensure that you’re hitting the optimum sleep pressure right at the same time that baby’s going to bed for the night. I know plenty of situations can arise where you’ll want to get baby to bed a little early. For example, if she had a day of lousy naps and is clearly tired half an hour before bedtime, it’s the right move to get her to bed ahead of schedule. But try to avoid putting baby to bed early, more than one or two nights in a row. We want to prevent over-tiredness, but we also don’t want them in the crib at night for more time than they’re actually capable of sleeping. So if baby’s had a tough day and didn’t nap well, it’s fine to get her to bed a little early since that sleep pressure is likely already built up, but try to get her back onto the regular schedule starting the next morning, including her wake-up time. I know that this can all start to sound like an immaculately choreographed ballet. In some ways, it can be pretty complicated. Still, the more you understand the nuances and know where to make those minor adjustments, the better your baby will sleep. The less they’ll run into these regressions, setbacks, and interruptions. One final thing to consider if you’re getting ready to tackle this situation. This is not likely to be an overnight fix. Once baby has gotten into this habit, getting them out of it can take some time. Like any attachment or dependency, overcoming it is an incremental process, and it’s likely to meet with some pushback, so if and when things get tough, remember your goal. You’re giving your little one the skills they need to sleep soundly through the night, and that contributes to their well-being in so many different ways. So stay consistent, be patient, and before too long, you and your baby will both be enjoying full nights of deep, restful sleep. AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. If you plan on having kids, you should pencil in a few accessories into the budget. A crib, a stroller, and a high chair are all mandatory when bringing home a new baby. And, of course, you’re going to need a baby monitor. I honestly don’t think I’ve worked with a family without a pretty sophisticated baby monitor set up in the nursery. These days, they fall right alongside those other items as “essential” baby equipment. And hey, not for no good reason, right? Baby monitors, even the most basic ones, provide some much-needed peace of mind for parents when they’re not in the room with their little ones. Unfortunately, they’re a bit of a double-edged sword because, for all the peace of mind they can provide and have the exact opposite effect. I often see parents running into their baby’s room the moment they hear the slightest peep out of the monitor. They check to make sure baby’s in a comfortable position, they check their temperature to make sure they’re not too hot or too cold, they check their diaper to see if they might need a change, and after they’ve confirmed that everything’s as it should be, they head back out of the room, sit down for a few minutes until they hear another rustle come through the speaker, and then they’re back in action, repeating the whole process. Seriously. I’ve seen it happen with more than a few families. And I assure you, I’m not exaggerating even a little bit! Now, if you’re reading this and thinking, “What’s so strange about that?” then it’s possible that you are, in fact, addicted to your baby monitor. Interesting little side note here, did you know that the first baby monitor was invented back in 1937 as a result of the infamous Lindbergh baby kidnapping? It’s true! Eugene MacDonald, then president of Zenith (a familiar name in electronics for all of us old-timers), heard about the incident and commissioned designer Isamu Noguchi to create a radio device to transmit sound from the baby’s room to a receiver elsewhere in the house. Good luck snatching a baby out of their crib now, you stupid kidnappers. Over the years, monitors have become increasingly sophisticated. First, they switched from radio to digital signals, did away with the wires, and added two-way communication so parents could speak to their babies as well as hear them; then came the video monitors, wi-fi capability for better picture and sound, and now, now they can monitor a baby’s heart rate, oxygen levels, movements, breathing, sleeping position, even whether or not baby’s got a wet diaper. And therein lies the problem. On the one hand, I think it’s great that we have the technology to monitor our baby’s vital signs and make sure they’re not in a dangerous sleeping position. On the other hand, it’s not exactly good for your mental wellness or your baby’s sleep if you’re in a state of hyper-vigilance throughout the night and rushing in to “fix” things every time baby fusses a little, or the temperature in the nursery rises by a half a degree. Now, I know the absolutely gut-wrenching anxiety that parents have about keeping their little ones safe. There’s absolutely no instinct in the world more powerful than the desire to protect your kids. Still, there’s a big difference between exercising due care and obsessing over unnecessary details. Bear in mind that baby monitors have not proven to be effective in reducing the incidence of SIDS. Bear in mind that baby monitors have not proven to be effective in reducing the incidence of SIDS, so even with the millions, probably billions of these machines in nurseries around the world, they haven’t really done anything to prevent the one major catastrophe that parents are desperately trying to avoid. Again, I don’t want to discourage the use of a monitor. But if you’re going to use one, remember what they were designed for. They’re for peace of mind and to inform you of a potential emergency, not to act as a call button demanding immediate attention every time you hear your baby stirring at night. Allowing them to fall back to sleep when they wake up in the night is important and actually essential if you want them to learn the skills they need to enjoy nights of restful, rejuvenating sleep regularly. If you want to minimize the potential for SIDS, injuries, or other nighttime mishaps, check out the American Academy of Pediatrics guide to safe sleep. You’ll find some incredibly valuable information there. Most notably, put your baby on their back to sleep, keep the crib clear of any possible airway obstructions, don’t smoke, breastfeed if possible, and use a firm mattress and a tightly secured fitted sheet. That will go a lot further toward keeping your baby safe than even the most technologically advanced baby monitor ever could. In short, if your baby monitor gives you peace of mind, keep using it. However, it’s time to make a change if it’s stressing you out. Ready to make a change for your family? I can help you teach your baby or toddler independent sleep skills so they have control over their own sleep so they are sleeping peacefully through the night and napping like a champ. All while supporting you, mom, to gain peace of mind around baby's ability to sleep well and letting go of the baby monitor addiction. Book Your Free 20-minute Sleep Evaluation Call now and lets chat about what's going on in your family and how I can help. AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. The holidays are almost upon us, and I absolutely love this time of year! Why? More than anything, it’s the opportunity to reconnect with the special people in our lives who we might not have seen in a while. Of course, everything about the holidays is special to me, but the people are what really get me excited. Friends, family, neighbours, and acquaintances take this occasion to visit one another in person, which I’m sure we can all agree is more valuable to us this time after the pandemic caused so many missed opportunities to reconnect. For many of you, this may be the first time your friends and family members get to meet your new baby, which is such a magical moment for everyone involved. Babies bring us together in an extraordinary way. Now, I don’t want to sound like a grinch here, but if you’ve been working hard to teach your baby some independent sleep skills and they’re finally sleeping through the night, I just want to warn you that even though this is a wonderful time to celebrate and spend time with the people you love, it’s also an absolute minefield of potential sleep sabotage. I’m going to single out grandparents here because they’re the most likely to be staying with you and the most likely to take liberties with your rules around your little one, but the same strategies apply to anyone who might be nudging you to ease up on bedtime and naps so they can visit with your baby. Common examples of this “nudging” include…
All of these things are said with the best intentions, of course. Grandparents are usually more than willing to get up and tend to their grandkids. You can’t really fault people for wanting to spend time with your adorable babies, can you? Intentions aside, though, sticking to your guns when people ask you to push back your little one’s bedtime can be tough, but I assure you, it’s necessary. One late night is often enough to leave your baby overtired, making it tough to get them to sleep, causing less restful sleep when they eventually do go down, and often resulting in nighttime and early wakeups, all of which leaves your baby tired and irritable the next day. And whose problem is it then? Well, yours, obviously. The first thing most people do when a baby starts to cry is hand them back over to their parents, thinking they know how to get them settled. Then the bad night’s sleep leads to a tough day of naps, leading to another rough night, and here we go again, just in time for the holidays. I’m not trying to be an alarmist, but things can get out of hand pretty quickly, so today, I wanted to give you some tips for politely but firmly putting your foot down when your houseguests ask you to hold off on putting your baby to bed. Be confident in your decision. Remind yourself of what you and your baby were going through when they weren’t sleeping well, and ask yourself if you can go through it again, especially during the holidays. Remember that you’re doing the right thing for everyone involved, and that’s never selfish. Explain the situation. If people understand the struggle, you’ve undertaken to get your baby sleeping well. They’ll be much more likely to accept it when you insist on strict bedtime and nap schedules. So let your guests know that you’re right about teaching your baby some sleep skills and that they’ll need to go to bed at specific times, with no exceptions. Highlight the rewards. This is really the best method I’ve found for appeasing houseguests who don’t know the value of sleep. When they’re pushing for you to let baby, say, skip a nap, ask them, “Would you rather spend three hours with a crying baby or two hours with a happy one?” After all, it’s tough to bond with a baby when they’re fussing and irritable, so remind Grandma and Grandpa that it’s a choice between forming those cherished memories of their grandchild laughing and cooing in their arms or significantly more forgettable ones of them fussing, screaming, and reaching for their parents because they’re tired and miserable. Take deep breaths. I know that sounds facile, but deep breathing really is an effective method of calming your brain and body down in moments when, let’s say, just as an example, your mother-in-law goes to “check” on your baby after they’ve been napping for 15 minutes and then emerges from their room holding a tired, bleary-eyed baby in their arms, claiming that baby was already awake when they walked in. Y’know. Just hypothetically. Not like your mother-in-law would dream of doing such a thing. Take a few deep breaths, seriously. Before you say anything, just smile, breathe deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth, and remember that they’re just head-over-heels in love with their grandchild and didn’t do it to overrule or defy you. Give it a minute, and once you’ve cooled off a bit, calmly tell her that you’d like to see if baby can get a slightly longer nap and take her back to her crib. Be the Boss. Above all, remember, this is your child, and you know what’s best for them, so don’t let other people’s suggestions or experiences influence your judgment. You may hear things like, “We always let our little guy stay up late on Christmas Eve so he’d sleep late on Christmas morning,” or “You’ve got to make exceptions during the holidays.” None of those people know your baby like you do, so all of their opinions combined don’t hold a candle to your knowledge and proficiency in this arena. You don’t need to be a tyrant, but you should never forget that you’re in charge because you’re the expert! So rock that title and do what you know is right. The great news is, this is usually a one-time ordeal because once your family and friends see how well your little one sleeps, they quickly learn to appreciate why you take it so seriously. After experiencing first-hand how delightful it is to be around a well-rested baby, they won’t be asking questions when they come back next year. Instead, they’ll just enjoy the experience and quietly marvel at how awesome you are at raising kids. So happy holidays, everybody! Have fun, enjoy the season, and sleep well! AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. It’s 2:00 AM, you’re sleeping peacefully in your bed, and you suddenly wake up; not entirely sure why, but as you start to gain awareness of your surroundings. You become aware, to your horror, that there’s someone in the room with you! You hear the sound of their voice, and they whisper those four words that chill every parent to the bone.
“Mom, I can’t sleep.” Fear of the dark usually starts to show up around the 2 to 3-year mark. As preschoolers’ minds mature, their memory gets longer, and their imagination develops. They’ve almost certainly taken a spill on the playground or had some kind of traumatic incident by this point, so they’re aware there are things out there that can hurt them. They’ve also probably seen a few movies or been read a few books that touch on a couple of spooky or eerie elements, even if they’re geared towards children. Where the Wild Things Are, for all of its charm, gave me a serious case of the willies when I was a preschooler. As adults, we’re experienced enough to recognize that the dark isn’t inherently dangerous (although if your preschooler tends to leave Legos lying around, you might argue to the contrary.) But for preschoolers, there’s no history to draw on to assure them they’re safe and secure after the lights go out. So my first and most important piece of advice when you’re addressing your little one’s fear of the dark is this… Don’t slough it off. Fear of the dark can be a tricky landscape to navigate. On the one hand, we absolutely want to show empathy and understanding when something frightens our kids. But, on the other, we don’t want to add fuel to the fire. This is why I’m not a big fan of “monster repellent” or nightly closet checks. Consider this scenario: You’re concerned, rationally or not, that there’s an intruder in your house. You mention it to your spouse, who hands you a can of pepper spray and, looks around the room, says, “Nope, I don’t see anyone. Anyways, I’m headed out for the night! Have a good sleep!” I mean, you might not file for divorce on the spot, but you’d consider it, right? So when we tell our kids, “Nope! No monsters here! Not that I noticed, anyway, so you’re all good,” it’s not nearly as soothing as you might think. It’s easy to see how they could interpret that as, “Yeah, there’s absolutely such a thing as monsters, they’re scary as hell, and they do tend to live in kids’ closets, but I don’t see one in there at the moment, so... y’know. Sleep tight! So that covers what I consider to be the wrong way to handle the situation. How about some advice on the right way to handle the situation? As I said earlier, dismissing your little one’s fears as irrational or unfounded isn’t all that helpful, so ask some questions when they express a fear of the dark. Digging into their concerns is beneficial in a couple of ways. First, it lets them know you’re taking them seriously, which is very reassuring. Second, it also helps you to assess what it is about the darkness that frightens them and allows you to address it. For example, if they tell you they’re seeing things moving around their room, it might be caused by shadows. Headlights from cars driving by can often shine enough light through curtains or blinds to throw shadows across the room. Coupled with a preschooler’s imagination, that can create some seriously intimidating scenes. In that situation, a nightlight or blackout blinds can be a quick, effective solution. Tip: Go for Both! They both have multiple benefits when it comes to preschoolers sleeping habits. If you’re going to use a nightlight, make sure it’s a warm colour. Blue lights may look soothing, but they stimulate cortisol production, which is the last thing we want at bedtime. Getting a device like the Hatch Baby Rest can help your preschoolers sleep in multiple ways. Setting the night light to a dim red colour can help with melatonin production, soothe some of these new night time fears and the Hatch can be used as a time-to-wake-up device (plus as a white noise machine which I always recommend). Blackout curtains also have multiple benefits when it comes to sleep strategies. The darker the room the better it is for your child's sleep. Try SleepOut Blackout Curtains; they are made of material that completely blacks out the light, it also helps to eliminate environmental noise from outside, and they help to regulate the temperature in your kiddos’ room. They are a phenomenal product! Use the code ToTheMoonSleep10 for a discount on your purchase. You're going to have to dig for information. Now, that’s a bit of a Utopian scenario. As you’re likely already aware, getting a clear, concise answer from a preschooler about anything is tricky. To a preschooler, “Paw Patrol” is a reasonable answer to “What do you want for lunch?” So you’ll likely have to work with slightly more obscure information, but we’re showing concern, which goes a long way here. For many preschoolers, bedtime is the only time of the day when they’re left alone. They’re either playing with friends, hanging close to their parents, or being supervised in some way, shape, or form by a grown-up. Bedtime is also the only time they’re exposed to darkness, so you can see how the two things together could easily cause some anxiety. Spend some time together in the dark. So the obvious (and super fun!) way to ease some of that apprehension is to spend some time together in the dark. Reading books under a blanket with a dim flashlight is a great activity. Some hide and seek with the lights out is tons of fun as well, just as long as you clear any tripping hazards out of the area you’re going to be playing in. (It doesn’t have to be pitch black. We just want to get some positive associations with low-light situations.) Shadow puppets are a great time, even though I’m personally terrible at them. Hide-and-Clap is a classic, but if you’ve ever seen The Conjuring, you’ll know why it might leave you with nightmares as opposed to your preschooler. A quick Google search will load you up with dozens of ideas, so pick two or three that you think your child will like, then let them choose one. This isn’t likely to be an overnight fix! But stay respectful, calm, and consistent. After your little one’s fears have been addressed and they’ve learned that the darkness is more fun than frightening, you’ll start seeing more consolidated sleep and fewer visits in the middle of the night. One last little tip, turning down the lights gradually as your little one’s bedtime approaches is an excellent way to ease them into a dark setting and also helps to stimulate melatonin production, which will help them get to sleep easier. Two birds, one stone. Parenting level: Master. I’m guessing we all know what I’m referring to here and that I’m not using industry jargon when I refer to a “False Start,” but just in case, let’s define it before we go any further. Unless you’re very lucky, I mean exceptionally lucky, you’ve experienced one of the false starts firsthand. You put your little one down for the night. They close their eyes, nod off, and then wake up again in about 20-30 minutes. So that specific situation is what we’re referring to here. The reason it’s essential to distinguish between this scenario and the regular old “nighttime wake up” is because different things cause them and therefore have different solutions. A nighttime wake-up is similar, obviously, but occurs after baby’s been asleep for at least an hour or so. Nighttime wake-ups are usually the result of either hunger or a baby’s inability to string their sleep cycles together. Suppose your baby’s over six months of age and had a full feed before bed. In that case, hunger likely isn’t the culprit. Suppose they’re unable to string their sleep cycles together, well. In that case, that’s another conversation altogether and a great reason to hire a pediatric sleep consultant. *Wink wink* But false starts, as I mentioned, are a different animal and can often be solved relatively easily. So the first step, as with any problem, is to identify the cause, and when it comes to false starts, here are the three usual suspects. What are the causes of false starts? 1. Discomfort If your baby’s uncomfortable, there’s a good chance they won’t sleep well, as is the case with anybody of any age. Teething, gas, reflux, or even being too warm or too cool can cause babies to wake up quickly after they first settle. You can likely find temporary or permanent remedies to the first three by talking to your pediatrician. As for the temperature issue, I have a really handy guide to dressing your baby appropriately for different temperature nurseries that I’d be delighted to share with you. Just fire me an email, and I’ll send it your way, free of charge. 2. Lack of Pressure There are two things that help us fall asleep. One is our circadian rhythm, which signals our brain to start producing melatonin when it gets dark. And homeostatic sleep drive, which is the body’s natural urge to sleep as we spend time awake, exert ourselves physically, heal from sickness or injury, or experience exciting or stressful situations. Given how quickly they’re developing, babies’ homeostatic sleep drive builds up much quicker than in the average adult. (A big part of why they need so much daytime sleep.) But as they get older, that pressure accumulation starts to slow down and requires more time awake between naps to build up to the point where they can fall asleep and stay asleep at bedtime. If your baby takes a long time to fall asleep when you first put them down for the night and seems active and happy during that time, low sleep pressure could likely be the cause. It may be time to either drop a nap or reschedule their naps to allow that pressure to build up appropriately before bed. 3. Over-tiredness This is where things can get a little challenging because, contrary to popular belief, over-tiredness doesn’t look like a more intense version of regular tiredness. Instead, over-tiredness causes cortisol secretion at the time when we want it the least and actually causes babies to get quite energetic, making it difficult for them to get to sleep. So, in this case, you might want to move bedtime up by 20-30 minutes. And that’s the rub because, as you might already have noticed, we’re now dealing with the same symptoms we had in the earlier scenario. Instead of baby not getting enough awake time before bed, they’ve actually had too much. So two completely opposite causes result in very similar symptoms but require opposite solutions, which makes it challenging to know which course of action to take to remedy the situation. How do you know which scenario you're dealing with? So, how do you know which scenario you’re dealing with and implement the proper fix? Well, I have a great little scheduling table that I’d be happy to share with you (once again, just send me an email), or you could try the trial-and-error approach. If you do, though, I strongly suggest you start by moving bedtime up. Overtiredness is a vicious cycle once it takes hold. Baby doesn’t sleep well, which results in short, fitful naps the next day, which leads to insufficient sleep at night, and on and on it goes. So it’s much safer to move bedtime earlier and see if that solves the problem. Hopefully, one of these solutions takes care of your little one’s false starts. But if the problem persists, it might be time to consider some one-on-one help from a pediatric sleep consultant, and it just so happens that I know a great one living in Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canada. :) Book Your Free 20-Minute Sleep Evaluation to chat with me more about what's happening with your little one's sleep and I can explain how I can help and which program is best suited for your family. AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. The biggest challenge you’ll face when you’re teaching your baby those precious independent sleep skills is the minute you put them in someone else’s hands for the day. Combining sleep training and daycare can be challenging, I won’t lie to you. You’ve powered through some hard nights and refused to give in when your baby tested your willpower. But, now that everything’s finally running smoothly, you need to put your trust in someone else to keep things in order. Personally, when I faced this situation for the first time, I felt like my head and my heart was going to explode. I had spent so many sleepless nights, hours reading sleep stuff that didn’t work, and cried so many tears of frustration, and I was terrified they were going to screw it up. I was going to have to start all over again. All this hard work and determination to get my little one to sleep independently? Entrusted to someone, I don’t even know? Not on your life. But here’s the good news. This is absolutely achievable. Sending your little one to daycare will not sabotage their sleep so long as you take the time to work with your daycare provider. I’ve got some great tips to help you do that in a way that will make this as easy and conflict-free as possible. So... first of all, have you already decided on your daycare provider? If not, then keep reading. If so, you can skip down to the next section. Choosing a Daycare Provider Here are a few sleep-centred things to keep in mind when deciding on a daycare provider. None of these are deal-breakers; they’re just a few things to consider. Ask them what their approach is to naps. Do they put kids down at a specific time? Do they allow individual nap times, or is it all kids together for a specified duration? Ask to see where they’ll be sleeping. Is it a fully-lit room with several other kids or a semi-private space where they can keep things dark? Can you bring your own white noise machine? It can be super helpful to provide the same white noise machine that baby’s accustomed to at home. My favourite white noise machines are made by YogaSleep. They are made using sleep science and have been around for a long time. They have a smaller travel version that may be perfect to send to daycare with your baby. Can you bring one of your child's sleep sacks from home? Having that familiar smell of her sleeping environment and that cozy feeling from her own bed can bring a lot of comfort your baby when it comes to nap time at daycare. My favourite Sleep Sacks are made by Woolino. They are made from a special wool that allows your baby or toddler to use the same sleep sack all-year-round. They come in various patterns and sizes that will grow with your baby. Use the LINK and the code TOTHEMOONANDBACK10 to get a discount off your purchase. Is your daycare team capable of accommodating specific requests regarding baby’s naps? i.e. Will they allow your baby to cry for a few minutes, will they hold off on offering sleep props if you ask them to? Communicating with baby’s caregiver So, once you’ve decided on a daycare provider, or if you already have your little one in a place you’re happy with, what can we do to ensure everybody’s pulling in the same direction on this sleep issue? Let them know how long you’re comfortable with baby fussing. Most care providers will default to a no-crying approach unless instructed otherwise. Ask them to avoid sleep props. Be specific about what you consider a sleep prop. For example, ask that they refrain from using pacifiers, rocking to sleep, feeding to sleep, or whatever you’ve established as methods to get baby sleeping that you think they might become dependent on. Be respectful of their limitations. Daycare providers look after a lot of kids at once and are often required to follow some overarching safety rules, so don’t be surprised if they can’t accommodate every request you throw their way. Keeping an eye on several little ones at the same time usually means no white noise machines and no dark rooms. However, it doesn't hurt to ask for these things to be implemented as there are benefits for all the children involved. Above all, maintain open communication. Let your daycare provider know you’ve been working on your baby’s sleep issues and where you’re at with the process. Remember that they want your little one to sleep well almost as much as you do. A well-rested baby who goes down for naps without much fuss is a daycare provider’s dream come true. A few random tips Regardless of the particulars of your baby’s situation with their sleep in their home away from home, here are a few tips that are likely to come in handy... If you haven’t started sleep training yet, start on a Friday night or whatever day is farthest away from their next day of daycare. The first couple of nights are usually a bit of a roller coaster, and baby’s likely to be a little out of sorts for the first 48 hours. It’s best to get at least three or four nights in before going to daycare. However, if there’s a care provider who can help you out for a day or two, consider asking them to sit in for the Monday and Tuesday, so baby’s had a good amount of time to get accustomed to their new sleeping arrangement. Don’t “ease baby in” to their new situation. Once you’re ready to start sending baby to daycare, start off with the same schedule you want to end up at. If they’ll be going every weekday, send them every weekday right off the jump. Please don’t send them for a day the first week, two days the next, and so on. They’ll adjust quicker and easier if you get them used to their new schedule right away. Babies are usually capable of distinguishing between different environments. Habits they learn at daycare won’t necessarily transfer over to sleep in the home, so if your daycare provider allows them a pacifier or rocks to sleep, don’t worry too much about it. Baby should still be able to understand that it’s not the same when they’re at home. However, it can make the whole process a whole lot easier on everyone if things are as consistent as possible between all of your baby's sleep situations. There is less likely to be any confusion if the expectations are the same both at home and at daycare. Different schedules at home and daycare are OK. In the same vein as the last point, it’s not the end of the world if their nap schedule at daycare doesn’t sync up with the one they have at home. But, again, it’s a definite bonus if you can make it work, but it’s not essential. You will want to follow your baby's awake windows as closely as possible as much as possible while they are at home. Nap times may vary a little between home and daycare but you should aim to maintain your bedtime schedule as close to the same awake windows every night as you can. Keeping that last awake window before bedtime the same each night is going to help to make sure baby isn't overtired for bedtime. If baby starts falling asleep on the ride home, try to keep them awake. Putting them to bed early is better than offering a catnap after 4:00 PM. If baby does fall asleep, wake them up when you get home and let them get some more awake time before bed. All in all, there’s no reason why daycare and sleep training can’t work together. Just keep in mind that your daycare providers are your allies in this mission. They have a vested interest in your little one being as happy and well-rested as possible, and they obviously want to keep baby’s parents happy too. Maintain open lines of dialog, be respectful and patient, and accept that they can’t always tailor things to each child as much as they would like. Keep up your bedtime routine, stick to your schedule as closely as possible, keep baby away from those sleep props, and things will fall into place, I assure you. Happy Sleeping, Erin AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. I get it. I really do. After all, I’m a mom too. The absolutely uncontrollable and primal impulse to stay close to your baby is so deeply rooted in our DNA that it’s almost frightening sometimes. I’m sure evolutionary defensive instincts are what’s at play in this phenomenon. But it feels more like love to me. I just love this little human to the point where I want to be in contact with them 24/7, 365. And hey, baby doesn’t seem to mind, and there’s just something so beautiful, so maternal, about sleeping next to your baby that it almost seems crazy not to. Or at least that’s how some of us felt until the first week or two of co-sleeping. Then it was more like, “Listen, I love you; you love me; that’s established. But I can’t sleep next to someone who hasn’t yet figured out the etiquette involved in sleeping next to another person. And jamming your thumb in my eye at 3:30 A.M. is just simply outside of the lines.” I have spoken to plenty of parents who co-sleep and who swear by it. Some of them even have more than one kid sleeping in bed with them. Power to them. If they enjoy it and they’re doing it *safely, I say co-sleep your heart out. But I’ve spoken to more than a few parents who are big on co-sleeping but are still being woken up by feet in their face or thumbs in their eyes several times a night and want to know if sleep training will get their little ones to stop squirming or waking up fifteen times a night to nurse. Which, for the record, your eighteen-month-old does not need to do. I really wish I had a more satisfying answer for those parents because, as I say, I sympathize entirely. I understand wanting those two best-case scenarios to live in harmony. Sleep next to your baby but have them not wake you up repeatedly through the night. That would be magical, no question. Unfortunately, it’s not really all that likely for a couple of reasons. One, toddlers are often very animated sleepers. It’s just a fact. They twist and turn and readjust themselves a thousand times a night and often end up entirely on the other side of a queen-sized bed with their feet towards the headboard. Two, your baby thinks you’re just the greatest. When they wake up in the night and see you lying next to them, they get excited. They want you to interact with them, so they try to engage with you. Unfortunately, since they’re still unaware of societal norms, they don’t know enough to lie on your shoulder and quietly whisper, “Are you awake?” So instead, they do it by jamming their finger in your ear or slapping you on the forehead. It’s not polite, but man, it’s effective! So why can’t sleep training alleviate this? Simply put, because it’s not a sedative. Sleep training is all about teaching your baby the skills to fall back to sleep on their own when they wake up in the night. That’s a slight simplification, but at its core, that’s what we’re doing. We’re not doing anything that will get your baby to fall into stage 3 sleep and stay there for a solid 11 hours. That’s a job for Ambien, and there are obvious reasons why we’re not going down that road. So while it’s possible that you could see some success in your child’s sleep habits by teaching them independent sleep skills, you’re not likely to see the same kind of results you will if you get them sleeping in their own bed, in their own room, without any distractions. Leery about giving up the snuggles For those who are leery about giving up those magical cuddles in your bed, I have a suggestion that has helped my own family and many of those I’ve worked with. Set aside fifteen or twenty minutes every morning after your kids are out of bed and well-rested, and bring them into your bed. Cuddle them, play with them, sing some songs, play-wrestle, whatever their hearts desire. You can both still enjoy the closeness and familial bond that comes with sharing a bed without creating any associations that might mess with their ability to get to sleep at night and without waking each other up. If you’ve already been co-sleeping for quite a while and have decided it’s time to reclaim your bedroom, but your little one has other ideas, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. I’ve worked with families to get them through this exact scenario with tremendous success, and I can help yours too. Book Your Free 20-minute Sleep Evaluation and let's get your family sleeping. *Always follow all *Safe Baby Sleep Guidelines. AuthorErin Neri - Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. |
To The Moon and Back Sleep ConsultingProviding families the tools & support they need to get their little ones sleeping through the night and napping like champs! Everyone has more fun when they are well rested! Visit Wollino - Discount Code: TOTHEMOONANDBACK10
Browse
All
|