This is it, mama. This is the final boss. The last level. The icing on the parenting cake.

​​Well, I suppose you still have about 15 or 16 years of parenting left before you send them off to college, but those are a day at the park compared to this.

I’m talking, of course, about nighttime potty training.
This is another one of those parenting milestones that can seem peculiar to outsiders. Still, for those of us who have been through it, we know that a celebration of epic proportions is in order on the day we finally say our final farewell to diapers. It’s not as sexy as completing your Master’s degree or landing a big promotion, but handing down that Diaper Genie to
one of your friends after getting your toddler 100% potty trained feels pretty similar on the old accomplishment-o-meter.

Today, I’ve some tips for you to determine whether your toddler is ready for nighttime potty training and, if so, how to maximize your chances of success without sacrificing the progress you’ve made with their sleep.

So, jumping right in, is your little one ready to go the night without using the potty?

Notice how I phrased that specifically? I’ve seen nighttime potty training approaches that involve actually going into your child’s bedroom at regular intervals during the night and waking them up to go to the bathroom!
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All the nopes to this approach. Every last nope in the nope collection. We do not sacrifice sleep for potty training. It’s way too confusing for a toddler to be told, after all of the work they’ve done to finally start sleeping peacefully through the night, that they now have to wake up every three or four hours to go to the bathroom.

If your toddler can’t get through the night without needing to pee, they’re not ready for this.
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Leave their diaper on at night and tackle this at a later date.

​If, however, your little one’s had a few nights of waking up with a dry diaper, that could mean that they’re up to the challenge. That’s really the prime indicator that this might be a good time to give it a shot. Two or three dry mornings in a week suggests that their bladder muscles have developed to the point where they can hold it for the night, so if that’s the case, let’s give it a shot.

Now, prepare yourself. I’m sure there are stories out there about The Toddler Who Potty Trained Without a Single Accident, but the odds of that happening are not in your favour. Not even close.

So pick a week when you don’t have a whole lot going on, get some extra sheets and PJs at the ready, and get your zen on because the most important thing here is patience. There will be some accidents, and accepting this reality ahead of time will help make the process bearable for you and your little one.
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​Keep this mindset when you’re explaining what’s going on to your toddler. It’s great to be enthusiastic and super-positive, but don’t make it sound too monumental. We’ve got to keep in mind that this isn’t something they have control over, and building up expectations on them can result in some feelings of failure and disappointment if they do have an accident in the night. This is also something to consider if you’re looking at a “reward chart” or some such thing for nights without an accident. I’m
not inherently against them, but if your toddler tends to get really upset if they don’t make the grade, it might be better to let them succeed or fail without rewards and consequences. 
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Make sure your toddler gets on the potty right before bed, even if they say they don’t need to go.

I know many parents have found that a potty session 30 minutes before bedtime, followed by another one right before bed, has yielded the best results.
When an accident happens, as it probably will at least a few times, don’t act disappointed or irritated. (Go ahead and feel that way, sure, but you keep that noise to yourself.) Just take your toddler by the hand and walk them back to their room, get them cleaned up and into some fresh pyjamas, and change their bed with the clean sheets you’ve prepared ahead of time.

I do have one really sweet pro tip for you here. Grab some plastic sheeting, lay a layer over the mattress, then add a set of bed sheets, followed by another layer of plastic, and finally another set of bed sheets. That way, if there’s an accident in the night, you just go in, strip off the top layer, and bam! There’s a clean, dry, freshly made bed waiting underneath.

That’ll help get you and your little one back to bed in no time flat.
Keep the room as dark as possible, keep the process brief, and avoid putting your little one in the bath unless absolutely necessary. Getting into the tub is likely to throw a wrench in your child’s sleep for the night. They might get it into their heads that wetting the bed gets them fifteen minutes in the bath, which, for some kids, might sound like a pretty sweet proposition.

So what happens if it doesn’t take? If you’re still experiencing regular accidents after a week or two, consider the situation. Is your toddler ready and just not willing, or willing but not ready? And when you’re deciding, consider whether your own desire to see an end to diapers is influencing your decision. Any sane parent would love to say goodbye to diapers as soon as possible, but there really is no rushing this process. If they’re not ready, they’re not ready, and you’re just putting a lot of unnecessary stress on both of you by trying to get it done before it’s time.

To reiterate, one last time, getting your toddler out of their diaper is not worth sacrificing their sleep routine. Don’t attempt this crazy “dream-potty” routine where you try to get them to pee while they’re still sleeping, don’t wake them up halfway through the night to go to the bathroom, and don’t drop two hundred bucks on a bed-wetting alarm. (How is that even a thing?)

You’ll just be trading one issue for another, and since you’ve already put the work in to get them sleeping through the night, you’re much better off just waiting until the moment is right.

-Erin Neri, BA. Psychology, Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant, Infant Mental Health, Integrated Feeding Specialist

​Congratulations! You’ve taught your little one some independent sleep skills, and they’re finally sleeping through the night and taking long, restful naps during the day. This is a life-changing achievement, and you should be absolutely thrilled!

Only… what now? Do you seriously need to plan your entire life around your baby’s sleep schedule?

Teaching your baby the skills to fall asleep independently is the all-important first step, but there’s an ongoing commitment afterwards that you really need to take seriously. Carving out your schedule to accommodate for consistent, scheduled bedtimes and naps is, in some ways, more challenging than those first couple weeks when you’re camped out next to the crib or doing check-ins.

True, your baby’s not waking up five times a night anymore, and they’re going down for naps like a superstar and sleeping for hours at a time. The whole family’s getting the rest they need, but it can still be a bit of an ordeal to carve your entire day out around your baby’s naps and bedtime.

I often tell clients to think of the initial stages of sleep coaching as the sprint and the months afterwards as the marathon. Those first few nights can be intense, but they’re over quickly. After that, it’s time to settle into a groove and establish a consistent, maintainable pace.

​I know that this little analogy might sound a little daunting to some people. After all, running a marathon is gruelling work, but it also comes with big rewards. (Or so I’ve been told by my crazy marathon-runner friends.)

So here’s the truth, both its unpleasant and glorious sides.
Yes, your baby’s sleep schedule will be pretty restrictive, and you’ll have to honour it if you want to keep up with those wonderful, restful naps and protest-free bedtimes. Overtiredness will sabotage your little one’s sleep in a hurry, and it can spiral out of control pretty quickly, with one bad nap leading to another, leading to a lousy bedtime, and so on.

That could mean you’ll have to miss out on some fun stuff. Fun stuff for you, fun stuff for your baby, fun stuff for the whole family, you might have to push a fair amount of it aside to maintain your little one’s schedule. No sense trying to sugarcoat it, that’s the part that sucks.  

But that doesn’t mean, in any way, that you and your family are chained to your baby’s crib. It just means there are going to be a few tradeoffs. 
For example, let’s say you’re arranging a playdate with a friend, and their only availability is during your baby’s scheduled nap time. You might be tempted to try rearranging your little one’s schedule to accommodate the activity, thinking they’d rather enjoy the activity and companionship in exchange for a slight shuffle in the schedule. 

But what’s that playdate going to look like? If your little one’s tired and likely overtired by the time they’re halfway through their playdate, are they really going to be having any fun? Are you? In my experience, it just ends up in a lot of fussing and tears. Neither child has any fun, and neither do the parents because they’re too busy trying to settle their kids down. Suppose you could see ahead of time that this would be the scenario you skipped nap time for. In that case, you’d probably stick to the schedule and arrange the playdate for another time when your baby can be rested and alert.

​The same can be said for holidays and special occasions. A day at Disneyland seems like such a glorious experience that you’d be tempted to cram as much activity into it as possible, possibly skipping naptime to ensure your little one doesn’t miss out on anything. But seriously, the next time you’re at a theme park, have a look around. For every two kids you see having a wondrous, magical experience, there’s one who’s having an absolute meltdown. I can’t say this with any kind of evidence, but I would bet my bottom dollar that those kids don’t actually hate Disneyland. They’re just overstimulated, overtired, and desperately need a nap.

​So there’s the tradeoff. You miss out on some time that could be spent doing more exciting things than napping, but the time that your little one does spend playing with their friends or meeting Mickey Mouse is going to be so much more enjoyable because they’re properly rested. 
To me, that’s not even a contest. I’ll take quality over quantity every time. 


I’d like you to consider another thing, and this one’s all about you for a change.


Babies who can fall asleep independently are much easier to leave with somebody else.
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Asking Grandma and Grandpa to take your baby for a night is more of a gift to them than a burden if your little one sleeps well. You can confidently and comfortably get a sitter for the evening, knowing that your baby will fall asleep without a fuss and won’t wake up in a fit because you’re not there to help them back to sleep. 


This is one of the biggest benefits of a baby with independent sleep skills, and you should absolutely take advantage of it! Schedule date nights with your partner, have a girls’ night with your besties, or book a solo trip to the spa for the day, knowing that your baby will be happy while they’re awake and sleep peacefully for naps and bedtime.

So no, you don’t need to stay at home all day, every day after your baby sleeps well, but you do need to honour their sleep needs the same way you adhere to their feeding schedule. With a little bit of planning and preparation, you can still enjoy all the gatherings and experiences that make family life so fulfilling, and with a whole lot less drama to boot.