Tell me if this scenario sounds familiar…

Your baby wakes up in the morning after a solid night’s sleep. You feed her, change her, play with her for a little bit, take her for a little walk outside, then rock her to sleep and put her gently into her crib for her morning nap.

And then, 30 minutes later, she wakes up fussy and irritable and, despite your pleading, bargaining, and offers of riches, refuses to go back to sleep.

So, after half an hour of trying to put her back down, you finally give in, hoping she’ll be that much more tired when her afternoon nap rolls around, only to have the exact same scenario play out again, and baby is a cranky ball of unhappiness for the rest of the day.

Sleep, like food, is one of those elements where baby has the final say on whether or not they’re going to cooperate, so there’s no sense trying to force the issue. If they’re not sleeping, just leaving them in their room usually won’t fix things.

So, here’s what’s going on, and how to fix it.

Babies, just like the rest of us, have  sleep in cycles. We start off in a light state where we’re easily woken up, then gradually fall into a deeper stage where even loud noises or movement might not be able to rouse us. This, incidentally, is the good stuff. This is the really rejuvenative, restful sleep where our brains and bodies do all of the maintenance work that leaves us refreshed, clear-headed and energetic when we get enough.

Once we’ve come to the end of the deep-sleep cycle, we slowly start coming back to the light stage again, and typically we wake up for a few seconds and then drift off again, and the whole thing starts again.

In adults, one of those cycles typically takes about an hour and a half. In babies, it can be as little as 30 minutes.

So, the fact that your baby is waking up after only 30 minutes is actually completely natural. In fact, if she wasn’t waking up regularly, that might be cause for concern.

“But,” you’re thinking, “I have friends whose babies nap for two or three hours at a time.” Well, that’s partially true. But in a more literal sense, they’re stringing together several sleep cycles in a row. The only difference between their baby and your baby is…

Drumroll please…

They’ve learned how to fall back to sleep on their own.

That’s it. That really is the heart of the issue. Once your baby can fall asleep without help, they’ll start stringing together those sleep cycles like an absolute champ. That’s going to make your baby a whole lot happier and, on the self-indulgent side, leave you with two hours at a time to do whatever you like. (Granted, as a new mother, “whatever you like” might not mean what it once did, but still, two hours twice a day to catch up on motherhood-related tasks is something we can all appreciate.)

So, remember back at the start of that scenario, there you were, getting ready to put baby down for her nap, gently rocking her to sleep and then putting her down in her crib.

Stop right there. That’s where you need to make some changes. Because in this scenario, you are acting as what we in the sleep consulting business refer to as a “sleep prop.”

Sleep props are basically anything that your baby uses to make the transition from awake to asleep. Pacifiers are the most common example, but there are many others, including feeding, rocking, singing, bouncing, snuggling, and car rides.

Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t rock your baby, or sing to her, or read her stories, or love her like crazy. You absolutely should!!

Just not to the point where she falls asleep.

When it comes to bedtime, whatever time of the day that might be, put your baby down in her crib, while she’s still awake, and let her fall asleep on her own.

There might be a little bit of protest for a day or two, but for the majority of my clients, the results start to materialize in about two or three days.

Think about that. Two or three days, and you and your little one could begin enjoying the extraordinary benefits of proper sleep. She’ll be happier, healthier, more energetic, and you’ll both sleep better at night to boot.

Some other pointers for extending baby’s nap time…

• Keep the bedroom as dark as possible. Buy some blackout blinds if the sun is getting in, or if you’re on a budget, tape some black garbage bags over the windows. It doesn’t have to be pretty, it just has to be functional.
• White noise machines are useful if baby tends to wake up due to the neighbour’s barking dog, the inconsiderate delivery guy ringing the doorbell, or any other noise that might startle them out of their nap. Just make sure it’s not too close to their ears and not too loud. 50 dB is the recommended limit.

Now for many babies these strategies are not as simple as they seem. Putting a baby down awake, who relies on a sleep prop can be very tricky. Plus, daytime sleep is the most difficult to consolidate. 

​So, if you’re running into trouble applying these suggestions, please feel free to set up a free sleep evaluation call, I’d love to hear more about what’s going on with your little one and explain how I can help your family get the rest that you all need! ​

Almost every sleep book on the market talks about the word “drowsy.” If we’re working with newborns, for example, many books state that the goal is to put your newborn down drowsy but awake. And in most cases, that works just fine, but sometimes it doesn’t.


I’m here today to talk about when it doesn’t.


If we’ve moved beyond the newborn phase, let’s say with a baby aged four months and up, drowsiness can actually become a loose prop association. 


Let’s think about it this way: sleep is a journey, and if you are at point A, which would be wide awake, and are trying to get to point B, which is asleep, how you make the journey becomes essential. 


If you read the Sleep Sense program, you’ll know it’s the journey we must fix for our child to start sleeping well. The goal is to have the child learn to make that journey all on their own — or independently, we like to say — so that when they have a naturally occurring wake-up during the night, they can make the journey back to sleep easily and on their own.


In some cases, if we help our baby into the journey by getting them drowsy with either rocking or feeding, then when they have a naturally occurring wake-up sometime in the night or during a nap, they won’t be able to get back to sleep from point A to point B. So they will want you to return to the room and help them get started on the journey.


This becomes problematic for both baby and parent because for your baby to return to sleep, you will need to assist them at least part of the way, which becomes frustrating on both sides. That’s why the goal is to teach the baby how to fall asleep from point A. Unfortunately, the only way to do this is to be very cautious in your bedtime or nap time routine so your baby is not entering the drowsy phase.


So what does drowsiness look like?


Drowsiness can be tricky to read because, in some cases, what you would consider drowsiness could be the first sleep stage. So here are some things you want to keep an eye on.

1. Zoning out, or what we often call “the seven-mile stare.” If you notice your baby looking off into space, this can signify drowsiness. The best way to avoid it is to talk to your baby, tickle your baby, or remove your baby from the nipple or the bottle before resuming feeding again.
2. Heavy blinking. Make sure your baby’s eyes look alert and are not blinking heavily. This can be a sign of drowsiness. The best way to avoid this is to talk to your baby, sing, or give them a little tickle to keep them alert. 
3. Closing the eyes for several minutes at a time while having the bedtime feed. Again, you want to ensure your baby’s eyes stay alert and open through the entire feed. 

The goal is to make sure the baby remains alert and wide awake through the entire bedtime routine and goes into the crib, ready to start the sleep journey from point A.


You might notice that your baby does a little bit more protesting suddenly. This is a good sign that your baby was actually relying on you to help them to sleep in some way, and they are struggling slightly with the process of going from start to finish all on their own. But don’t worry — the good news is that within a couple of nights, the baby will be able to make the journey independently and start sleeping through the night.


If you’d like to chat more about your baby’s sleep challenges, I’m more than happy to offer a complimentary 20-minute evaluation call to see if we can get to the bottom of your struggles; I can explain how I can help! You can book your Free chat below. ​

I hope that title didn't scare you off because I don't mean to say that naps inherently suck. Naps are fantastic! Even as adults, a nap can be absolutely therapeutic, both mentally and physically. And babies and toddlers need naps in order to keep themselves happy and thriving. 

But when you first start teaching your little one the glorious skill of falling asleep independently, you're likely to notice that they manage to get the hang of nighttime sleep pretty quickly. However, when it comes time for daytime sleep, things can get a whole lot more difficult.

Out of all the babies I've worked with, around 90% of them have had trouble with naptime. They have a harder time actually getting to sleep, or they tend to wake up after their first sleep cycle (usually around 45 minutes) and struggle to get back to sleep again afterwards.
And as any parent knows, when your baby doesn't get a good daytime nap, that sucks. 

They wake up grouchy and fussy until they go down for another nap. So you end up having to soothe and settle them instead of attending to all of the other vital parenting tasks that you could have focused on if they had managed to get a full 2-3 hour daytime snooze. 

So yeah, it's not like the actual naps suck, but I'm sure you'll agree that putting your baby down for a nap, tiptoeing out of the room, closing the door oh-so-gently, and then getting two steps into the other room, then hearing them start to stir and cry, that right there, that really sucks.
So let's look at some of the reasons why naptime tends to suck. First of all...


Daylight sucks - 
Our bodies are naturally tuned into a 24-hour rhythm, and there's an actual physiological reason for that. Sunlight, or any "blue" or short wavelength light, like that from a phone or TV screen, stimulates cortisol production. Cortisol, being a stimulant, is a real detriment to getting settled and getting to sleep, so getting your baby away from any blue light sources at least an hour before naptime can help alleviate the problem. 

That's not always feasible, obviously. If your little one is under 6 weeks old, their ideal awake time is only 45 minutes to an hour. You can't keep them indoors and away from screens all the time, but try to keep their daylight and screen exposure closer to the time after they wake up and keep it down as much as possible when they're getting ready for their next nap. 

And invest in some quality blackout curtains for their bedroom. I can't tell you how great of an investment good blackout curtains are. Keeping your baby's bedroom dark is a massive help in ensuring long, high-quality naps.


Lack of melatonin sucks - 
The yin to cortisol's yang; melatonin is the hormone that helps our bodies wind down and get ready for sleep. Unfortunately, melatonin production doesn't fully kick in until nighttime for most people, including babies. That means that the body's natural "sleep pressure" isn't nearly as strong during the day as it is at night, which can hinder your little one's ability to fall asleep quickly at naptime and to stay asleep for long stretches.

So we need to find other ways to build up that sleep pressure. Getting your baby outdoors shortly after they wake up is a great way to do that. True, sunlight stimulates cortisol production, but it also pumps up melatonin production in the evening, which will help baby get a good night's sleep. The better your baby sleeps at night, the easier it will be for them to sleep during the day. 


And whenever possible, physical activity is a great way to promote better naps. However, your little one likes to move around; get them moving as much as possible. Try to schedule physical activities in the earlier parts of awake time rather than just before naptime. If your toddler's just finished tearing around the yard for half an hour and they try to go straight down for a nap, they're likely still going to be too fired up to get right to sleep.


FOMO sucks - 
Nobody likes to stop doing something they love just so they can go to sleep, and babies are no different. If your child's in the middle of a killer game of hide and seek or riveted to the latest episode of Superhero Kindergarten, being told it's time for a nap is likely to trigger a protest. And just in case you haven't noticed, when kids protest, they tend to do it with some… enthusiasm...

Again, timing is everything here, so try to keep the exciting activities to the earlier end of awake time. Once nap time starts approaching, stick to more soothing activities like singing, stories, cuddles, or whatever they enjoy doing that's low-energy. 15-minutes of wind-down time before a nap can help immensely, but the crucial thing to avoid is sparking a tantrum by taking away something they're super engaged in.


Noise sucks - 
This may come as a shock, but loud noises and sleep don't go well together. Garbage trucks, sirens, birds, dogs, and the Amazon delivery driver who can't read a "Do NOT Ring Doorbell!!!!" sign, can all disturb your baby's nap. What's worse, when they get woken up after a short nap, they've relieved some of that sleep pressure we worked so hard to build while they were awake, and that's going to make it even harder for them to get back to sleep. 

It may seem counterintuitive, but one of my favourite solutions to environmental noise is… well, more environmental noise. White noise machines, which I'm assuming every parent on earth is familiar with. But they do provide cover for sudden, unexpected noises, which are the ones that tend to wake your baby up. 

Just remember to keep an eye on the volume level. White noise machines can get ridiculously loud, and babies are not recommended to be exposed to noise over 60 dB for extended periods. Hearing loss sucks too.

Make no mistake, all of these recommendations can help, but they're nothing compared to the improvement you'll see in your baby's naps if they learn to fall asleep independently. More than anything else, that's the key to getting your baby sleeping through the night and taking long, restful naps during the day, so if your little one's still relying on things like feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep, or sleeping on top of you in order to take a daytime nap, that sucks more than anything. It's the single most important issue to tackle before worrying about anything else.

Unsure how to help your baby learn these elusive, independent sleep skills I speak of? I can help with that! 
How? Book a free chat with me, and I can help you get to the bottom of your child's sleep difficulties and explain how I can change your family into a well-rested one. 
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