How Co-Regulation can help a child manage bedtime anxiety

‌Understanding Co-regulation Between a Child and Caregiver
Co-regulation refers to the process where an adult helps a child manage and understand their emotions and behaviours. This is especially crucial in young children who are still developing self-regulation skills. By providing a calming presence and demonstrating healthy emotional responses, adults can guide children in managing their own emotions.


Importance in Managing Bedtime Anxiety
Bedtime can be a source of heightened anxiety for many young children. Fears of the dark, separation from parents, or simply the transition from day to night can be overwhelming. Co-regulation provides a structured and comforting presence that can alleviate these anxieties.

How to Implement Co-regulation With Your Child

1. Establish a Routine: Consistency is key. Establish a soothing bedtime routine that the child can anticipate. This might include a bath, reading a story, or quiet time together.
2. Stay Calm and Present: Your calm demeanour can be contagious. Use a gentle, reassuring voice and maintain a relaxed body language.
3. Listen and Validate: Allow the child to express their fears or anxieties. Acknowledge their feelings without dismissal or judgment. For example, saying “It sounds like you're really scared of the dark, and that's okay. How can we make it better?
4. Breathing Exercises: Teach simple breathing techniques. For example, instruct the child to breathe in deeply while counting to three, hold for three seconds, and exhale for three seconds. This can be a game or part of a bedtime story.
5. Use of Imagery or Stories: Create a story where the child overcomes their fear, or use guided imagery to transport them to a relaxing place.
6. Gradual Separation: If separation anxiety is an issue, start by staying in the room until the child falls asleep, then gradually reduce the time spent in the room over successive nights.
7. Positive Reinforcement: Praise the child for their efforts in managing their anxiety. Reinforce their progress with small rewards or affirmations.
8. Consistency: Apply these techniques consistently. Co-regulation is most effective when it becomes a predictable part of the child’s routine.

​Conclusion
Co-regulation is not only about managing a child’s immediate anxiety; it's also about teaching them lifelong skills in emotional regulation. By practicing these techniques, parents and caregivers can provide a supportive environment that helps young children navigate their anxieties, especially at bedtime, leading to more peaceful nights and a stronger emotional foundation.

Author

Erin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. 

Proud mother of 2 young school aged boys who did not come into the world  preprogrammed with independent sleep skills. 27+ years of training & experience working with children and families including her BA in Applied Psychology, Infant Mental Health Training, Early Childhood Education & Experience. Completed Integrative Feeding Specialist Certification in Oct. 2022. ​