Is your little one waking up in the middle of the night? 


No, no, not like that. I mean, like really waking up. Waking up and staying up. For, like… hours.


If you’re the parent of a baby or toddler who’s dealing with segmented sleep, you know exactly what I’m talking about. This isn’t the middle of the night. “Go in and comfort your little sleeper for ten minutes until he gets back to sleep” wake up. This is a full-blown 3:00 a.m. dance party. 


It’s got a few names. Segmented sleep, bifurcated sleep, split nights, and it describes a situation where your little one sleeps for a long stretch, then wakes up happy and energetic in the middle of the night and stays that way for an hour or more.


Slit Nights aren’t a new or unnatural phenomenon. Back before the widespread use of the electric light bulb, people would regularly sleep for a few hours, wake up for another hour or two, then go back to sleep. 


They’d use the time to read, smoke, pray, and have sex (not necessarily all at once), and then after an hour or two, they’d get back into bed and sleep until morning. (Apparently, it was also a typical time for visiting one’s neighbours. Not to hate on the old days, but if my neighbours came over unannounced at three in the morning, oooohhh, things would get biblical.) 


Nowadays, however, the vast majority of us go to sleep at night and, hopefully, close our eyes and sleep straight through until morning.
But let me guess… your kiddo didn’t get the memo?


Split nights are actually a pretty common issue. Baby goes down at 7:30 at night, wakes up at 3:00 in the morning, parties her ass off for an hour and a half, then goes back to sleep, apparently careless about the groggy, miserable day she’s set her parents up for.


So let’s take a quick look at why this happens, and then we’ll learn how to solve the problem.


Why Do Split Nights Happen?

There are two major drivers when it comes to sleep. First, there’s our circadian rhythm, which is our natural tendency to fall asleep when it’s dark and wake up when it’s light. Then there’s our homeostatic sleep drive, commonly known as sleep pressure, which builds up over the time we’re awake. 


So ideally, over the course of the day, sleep pressure builds up, then at bedtime, when the pressure hits the sweet spot, baby puts her head down and goes to sleep. Then, as that sleep pressure begins to subside, circadian rhythm takes over, and baby stays asleep until morning.


In the case of a split night, we could be looking at one of two reasons why they’re waking up.
● Your baby or toddler is not getting to bed early enough, OR…
● She is going to bed too early.


Now before you pitch your phone out the window at that seemingly paradoxical explanation, check this out. 

How to Fix Split Nights?

If your baby or toddler is getting to bed too late, if too much sleep pressure has built up, the brain has this instinctive response that says, “Hey, you’re tired, but you’re not sleeping. I’m guessing that’s because there’s a carnivorous apex predator around, so we’d better get ready to make a break for it,” and then starts upping the cortisol levels. 


The brain means well, but it’s a little behind the times on our need for lion alerts.


So this can make it tough for baby or toddler to get to sleep at bedtime since that cortisol’s got them a little bit jacked. It can also cause a full wake-up at the end of a sleep cycle, which commonly happens around 2 or 3 in the morning. Ugh. 


If this is the case, you’re one of the lucky ones. Treat this like any other nighttime wake-up, reassure baby that it’s still bedtime, comfort her and let her get back to sleep on her own, and consider moving bedtime up a bit over the course of a few nights.


But then there’s the alternate scenario. What if your baby or toddler gets to bed too early? 


In a situation where your baby or toddler’s getting lots of quality daytime sleep and going to bed early, it’s possible that there’s not enough sleep pressure built up to keep him sleeping until his circadian rhythm takes over and helps him sleep through the rest of the night, so up he gets. 


And now that there isn’t as much sleep pressure, and their circadian rhythm doesn’t have the horsepower to get them to sleep on their own, suddenly they’re up and active for an hour (or three!) while that pressure builds back up. 


Now, I’m all about early bedtimes. Too little sleep is a much bigger problem than too much. But suppose your baby or toddler's experiencing this kind of split-night sleep. In that case, it’s worth looking at their schedule and doing a little fine-tuning to ensure that you’re hitting the optimum sleep pressure right at the same time that baby’s going to bed for the night. 


I know plenty of situations can arise where you’ll want to get baby to bed a little early. For example, if she had a day of lousy naps and is clearly tired half an hour before bedtime, it’s the right move to get her to bed ahead of schedule. 


But try to avoid putting your little sleeper to bed early, more than one or two nights in a row. We want to prevent over-tiredness, but we also don’t want them in the crib at night for more time than they’re actually capable of sleeping. 


So if your baby or toddler's had a tough day and didn’t nap well, it’s fine to get her to bed a little early since that sleep pressure is likely already built up, but try to get her back onto the regular schedule starting the next morning, including her wake-up time. 


I know that this can all start to sound like an immaculately choreographed ballet. In some ways, it can be pretty complicated. Still, the more you understand the nuances and know where to make those minor adjustments, the better your baby or toddler will sleep. The less they’ll run into these regressions, setbacks, and interruptions.


One final thing to consider if you’re getting ready to tackle this situation. This is not likely to be an overnight fix. Once your little one has gotten into this habit, getting them out of it can take some time. 


Like any attachment or dependency, overcoming it is an incremental process, and it’s likely to meet with some pushback, so if and when things get tough, remember your goal. 


You’re giving your little one the skills they need to sleep soundly through the night, and that contributes to their well-being in so many different ways. So stay consistent, be patient, and before too long, you and your little sleeper will both be enjoying full nights of deep, restful sleep. 

If you are having trouble with your child's schedule and are unsure what it should look like get our Free Sleep Needs Chart. It will help you determine wake windows, nap lengths, number of naps, bedtimes, along with wait times for night time interventions. 

Bringing a new baby into the house is an incredible, exciting but also terrifying occasion, even more so when you have one or two children already. It can bring up a whole lot of questions.

How are the older children going to react to this new baby? Are they going to embrace the role of being an older sibling? Will they turn into jealous clingers who need constant attention? Will their schedule fit with your newborn's naps and feeding times? Most importantly, how is this going to affect the older child's bedtime?

Trying to juggle two or three different bedtime routines can be overwhelming if you're not ready for it. Trying to find fifteen minutes to feed your newborn while at the same time trying to get your toddler out of the bath can make you lose your mind. Toddlers just know that you're in a position where you're unable to chase them down and enforce the rules, so they are more likely to take advantage of that weakness.

So here are some strategies for those of you who have two or three little people, and are struggling to find a bedtime groove.

1. Have one bedtime for all the kids in the house. A lot of families I work with are shocked when I suggest that their three-year-olds should be going to bed at 7:00 PM, but at that age, kids still require between 10-12 hours of sleep a night, not including daytime naps. So if your toddler needs to be up at 7:00 AM, a 7:00 PM bedtime is reasonable. If the idea of having 2 or 3 bedtime routines at the same time seems overwhelming,  keep reading.
2. Team up and switch off if you can. If you're the lucky one and have a partner who's home and able to help you get the kids to bed, put together a list of what needs to get done. Split the tasks evenly, and then switch off every other night. That will help make sure neither of you feels like you have the short end of the stick. It will also get your kids used to either parent putting them to bed, so if one isn't available, it won't throw your them into a tailspin just because things aren't the same.
3. Find opportunities to multitask. As a parent, either through talent or necessity, we become the undisputed champions of multitasking. Trying to get through two or three separate bedtime routines is going to leave you exhausted and probably won't fit with your schedule, so double up when you can. Let the kids bathe together, feed your newborn while you read your toddler a bedtime story, sing songs while you change baby's diaper. Wherever you can overlap, use that opportunity for all it's worth.
4. Create and stick to a 15-30 minute bedtime routine. Bedtime routines are super important to get your kids to sleep through the night. It's not just a great way of giving them a sense of time; it also works as a signal to their brains and bodies that bedtime is coming. The routine stimulates melatonin production and turns things down internally to prepare for a long, rejuvenating sleep. A bath is a great place to start. It's a strong signal that sleep is just around the corner.
5. Save a special activity for bedtime. Typically, the older child can entertain themselves for a little while so you can finish up with your youngest. It's not always the case, but if it is, find a non-screen-related activity that will keep your toddler engaged and quiet. Make this activity exclusive to that fifteen minutes that you need one-on-one time to put the baby down. Don't make it too exciting, or you could end up in a battle because your child's bedtime activity is too much fun to put down.
6. Embrace child labour. Toddlers love structure and predictability. Giving them a helper position when you're putting your younger child to bed is a great way to keep them busy.  Being a helper also gives them a feeling of triumph before they head to bed. Show them where to find the diapers and have them bring them to you when you're getting your baby ready for bedtime.
7. Stick to your guns. Toddlers test boundaries in a constant, systematic fashion. "I'm not allowed to throw the football in the house? OK. Maybe I'm allowed to throw the soccer ball in the house!" And because you're attention is split between them and a new baby, you might feel a little indebted to them. That's OK, but changing or loosening the rules could end up upsetting them more, not less. As I said before, kids rely on predictability and structure. If suddenly they get the feeling like the fences are down, they typically feel a little lost, and that's going to lead to more tantrums, not fewer. So keep the routine and the expectations as close as possible to the way they were before their sibling arrived.
8. No matter how bad it gets, no matter how tempted you might be, don't let your toddler watch a show. I know how putting your child in front of the TV or handing them your phone can buy you a few minutes of quiet, but screens can be the ultimate downfall. The entire time that they're holding your child's attention, they're flooding their eyes with blue light. That might not seem like a bad tradeoff for fifteen minutes to tend to your baby. However, blue light stimulates cortisol production and inhibits melatonin. So those fifteen minutes of peace and quiet could very easily cost you hours of trying to get your overtired child to settle down for the night.
9. Accept the fact that it’s not always going to go smoothly. These are, young children we're dealing with, so if things start to go off track a bit, don't look at it as a failure on anyone's part. They're going to have regressions, rough nights, and occasional meltdowns. Staying calm and level-headed will be the best thing you can do to make sure these situations don't escalate into something more frustrating and upsetting for everyone involved.
10. Embrace the peace and quiet. Once everyone is in bed, take at least five or ten minutes to let yourself unwind. Don't check your email, start a load of laundry, or catch up on whatever responsibilities you've got to look after. We all know that this parenting thing is a stressful gig. So when you get a moment to pat yourself on the back and find a little calm in your life, you should embrace it. The minutes right after the kids fall asleep are a prime opportunity to do just that. So take some time to celebrate the superhero that is you. There will be another night of challenges and rewards for the whole family right around the corner.

​Is it time to reach out for help from a sleep expert?
If you are struggling to get your children to bed on time without bedtime battles and tears galore then reach out for help from your favourite sleep consultant. Book your Free 20-minute Sleep Evaluation Call where will will talk about your family's sleep challenges and identify why they are happening and how I can help. 

 
Nobody sleeps through the night.
You might think you do, or that you did before you had kids, or that your partner does, but I assure you, unless you've been heavily sedated or falling into bed after a fabulous girl’s night bender, you wake up at least a few times during the night, every night, and you always have.
 
By now you likely are familiar with the term "Sleep Cycles."

When we sleep, these cycles go from light sleep to deep sleep and back again, typically about four or five times a night.

When we get to the end of a sleep cycle and enter into that really light stage of sleep, we often wake up.

People who think they sleep straight through the night typically don't remember these little wakeups, but they definitely do experience them.
 
Babies' sleep cycles are shorter than adult ones, so naturally, this means that they wake up more often in the night.

Babies who are said to sleep through the night are still waking up, but they manage to get themselves back to sleep on their own without any help from Mom and Dad.
 
So, when we talk about babies sleeping through the night, what we're really saying is that they're able to get to sleep and back to sleep on their own, or as we call it in the baby sleep industry, they have "independent sleep skills."
 
So, it doesn't matter if a baby's breastfed, formula fed, or eating a Big Mac twice a day. They're going to wake up at night, several times, for the rest of their lives, just like everyone else.
 
Now, as for the idea that breast milk digests faster than formula, that's actually true, but not to the degree that a lot of people describe.
​
Newborns can go about 2 1/2 - 3 hours between feeds if they're breastfeeding.

If they're eating formula, that number is closer to 3-4 hours.

So it's not like formula is some kind of magical elixir that's going to keep your little one full and satisfied for 10 or 11 hours.

Their stomachs are small, and they're going to digest liquid food quickly, whether it comes from a bottle or a boob. Plus remember every baby is different, and their caloric intake is no different.

Some will need to eat less or more than others regardless of how they are fed and as long as they are growing along their own personal growth curve; they are fine! Remember comparing to your BFF's baby doesn't help your baby.
 
What does that mean for parents of newborns in regards to their newborn babies sleeping 11 - 12 hours through the night? Well, simply put, forget it. I mean, it happens. Some babies are such sleep aficionados that they'll go down for the night regardless of hunger, but they're few and far between.
 
Chances are, you're going to have to get up a couple of times a night to feed your little one until they're about six months old.

Now, that doesn't mean that you should put your baby's sleep on a back burner until they hit six months of age.

Quite the opposite is true actually. Teaching your baby to fall asleep independently is something you can't start too early.

I just want you to understand that if they're under six months old, you might not get a full night's sleep just yet, but it doesn't hinge on whether they're breastfed or formula fed.

Both are going to have similar results when it comes to keeping baby feeling full.
 
After the six-month mark, or thereabouts anyway, your baby should be able to start sleeping through the night without a feed, and that includes babies who are breastfed. (This is the part where the debate heats up a little.)
 
Let's say you breastfeed on demand, which is a very popular approach and one that I fully support if it works for you, your baby, and your schedule; after all, this is the way that worked best for my family and me. So, if baby's waking up five times a night for a feed, the principle of feeding on demand would require you to get up and feed baby five times a night, right?
 
Technically, yes.

But if baby's six months of age, gaining weight at a "normal" (for your baby) rate, and able to eat as many calories as they need during the day, then the chances are that baby is, in fact, not waking in the night for food.

The most common reason for waking at night past the six-month mark is because feeding is part of their strategy for falling asleep.
 
Having a sleep strategy is something else that we adults have in common with our babies. We all have strategies for getting to sleep.

As grown-ups, we establish our own little ritual for bedtime. We might get a glass of water and put it on the nightstand, brush our teeth, get into a specific position, or read a book for a little while, but in the end, it's a strategy that helps to signal our brains and bodies that it's time for sleep.
 
Of course, baby sleep strategies are less sophisticated, but they still work the same. They help baby get into a familiar, comfortable place where their system recognizes what it's supposed to do, and they nod off to sleep.
 
So if feeding is part of that strategy, then it doesn't matter to them if there's actual food coming their way. It's the sucking motion, the feel of mom next to them, the familiarity of the situation, that helps them to get to sleep, and they can get very dependent on it.
 
Obviously, every baby is different, and some may actually still be getting hungry enough during the night to need a feed. With that in mind, there are a few indicators that can help let you know if those nighttime wake ups are the result of hunger or a lack of independent sleep skills.

• Does baby only take a small amount when they feed in the night?
• Do they fall asleep within five minutes of starting their feed?
• Does baby eventually go back to sleep if they don't get fed?
• Do they only sleep for 45 minutes to an hour after a nighttime feed?

 
If you answered yes to most or all of those, then your little one probably falls into the "feeding as a sleep strategy" camp and could benefit significantly from learning a few sleep skills.
 
It doesn't mean that you can't breastfeed on demand, just that you'll have to reassess when exactly baby's demanding a feed and when they're looking for help getting to sleep. See the difference?
 
So to answer the question posed at the start of this post, are sleep training and breastfeeding mutually exclusive, the answer in my mind is a straight-up no.

​Breastfeeding is a beautiful experience for both mother and baby, and I support it 100%. I breastfed both my boys until around 13-14 months, and my #2 was gloriously sleep trained and sleeping 12 plus hours a night at about seven months old.
 
Having a baby who sleeps through the night is maybe not quite as magical, but it sure comes close, and there's absolutely no reason why you can't have both together.
 
And, as always, if you need a little help guiding you through the tricky process of teaching your baby to sleep through the night, I've got you covered. 

​Meet Sleep Consultant, Erin

I am the mother of two amazing little boys who did not come pre-programmed with the skills to sleep well independently. I knows how hard it is to function on little to no sleep, I understands how this impacts your ability to be the best version of the mom or dad that you want to be. This is what led me to become a Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and the founder of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting.  I am also a member of the International Association of Professional Sleep Consultants. I have a background in Psychology and have worked with families and young children in many different settings for over 20 years.  One of the best parts of my job is seeing the impact that TEACHING their little moonbugs healthy/independent sleep skills has on the momma's!!
"Life Changing! I am a better mom!"