 “What are you looking forward to?” This is usually one of the first questions I ask parents when I partner with them. It helps them visualize what life will be like in just a couple of weeks when their baby sleeps soundly through the night and takes long, rejuvenating naps. For most parents, the answer is right there in the question. They just want their baby to get the sleep they need to be happy and healthy, and obviously, they want the same for themselves. But once they’ve moved past the first few blissful mornings when they wake up and realize that their baby has slept through the night and is still sleeping, they start to discover that a well-rested baby brings some unexpected benefits. The number one among them is the ability to leave the baby overnight with the grandparents. There’s something absolutely magical about sleepovers. Spending the night somewhere outside of your home has a very intimate quality to it. Whether you’re a young kid spending the night at a friend’s house, the first time you and your partner sleep in the same bed, or the first time you stay in a hotel on your own, sleeping somewhere forges an emotional connection, and for grandparents, having their grandchild sleep in their home is beyond special. It’s a reminder of their days as new parents, a living, breathing testament to the family they’ve built together, and a chance to wrap themselves up in all that family love that’s so saturating when there’s a baby in the house. For mom and dad, this is an opportunity to go out on a well-deserved date night! Most parents I work with haven’t enjoyed that luxury since the day they brought their baby home from the hospital, whether 3 months ago or 3 years ago. Hence, taking advantage of a reliable, enthusiastic (and usually free!) overnight babysitter allows them to reconnect in a way they haven’t enjoyed for far too long. OK, putting the sentiment aside for now, there is some groundwork to be done before you drop your little one off at your parents’ place. You’ve completed stage one, coach your baby, so now it’s time for stage two. Coach your parents. Now, obviously, some grandparents will be completely awesome, wonderful, and fully compliant with whatever you tell them to do vis-a-vis their grandchild. But not all of them. Some grandparents have very, shall we say, entrenched views on parenting. After all, you’re living proof of their expertise and experience. It can be a bit of a balancing act to insist that your parents respect your little one’s schedule and sleeping arrangements while still respecting their role as experienced and incredible caregivers. So today, I’d like to give you a few tips on how to do exactly that so your whole family, including those beloved members outside of your home, can benefit. 1. Respect Your Elders Above all, remember that these are not rookies. They’re seasoned veterans who have been through everything you’re going through now, so even though you may need to establish some ground rules, don’t approach it the same way you would a teenage babysitter. Demonstrating confidence in their abilities will help ensure that whatever rules you do lay down, they’ll be adhered to. 2. Be Authentic I see so many parents trying to play parenthood off as if they’ve got everything under control at all times, even with their own parents. I mean, if anyone knows how tough raising a child is, it’s grandparents, so don’t be shy to let them know how difficult it was to function when your baby was waking up every hour at night and how hard you’ve worked to remedy the situation. Understanding the emotional investment you’ve put into solving your little one’s sleep issues will help them feel a personal commitment to the routine. 3. Explain the Incentives Grandparents crave interaction with their grandkids. I mean, they absolutely crave it. They’re like baby-interaction vampires. Not that anyone can blame them, of course. Smiles and giggles and burps from a baby are wonderful to anyone, but to that baby’s grandparents, they’re positively life-affirming. As such, they tend to want to keep the baby awake longer than recommended. (This is especially true in the case of newborns, who can typically only handle about 45 minutes to 1 hour of awake time before they need to go back down for a nap.
4. Share Your Experience Suppose you’ve already got your baby sleeping well at night and napping well during the day. In that case, you know what a difference it makes to their personality. Personally, I could not believe the improvement in my baby’s mood once we had gotten the whole sleep situation figured out. Parenting was exponentially more enjoyable when my little one was basically always in a good mood. It may sound crazy, but I just liked being around my baby so much more.
5. Equate Sleeping With Feeding If there’s one thing a grandmother won’t abide, it’s a hungry baby. The average grandmother won’t accept a hungry anything, come to think of it. But when it comes to babies, they’ll move heaven and earth to make sure that little ones are adequately fed. Putting sleep on par with feeding priority-wise can help ensure that the same level of dedication gets devoted to getting baby down for naps and into bed on time. So when you’re going over the babysitting guidelines, try to avoid getting into the minutiae and stressing how important those two things are when they’re taking care of their grandchild. One last thing I’d like to mention here because I think it’s super important: there’s a good chance your parents might end up being guilty of a wee bit of sabotage. For example, if a baby wakes up at night and cries, they might respond immediately and feed them back to sleep. Or they might allow your toddler to sleep in their bed with them. They may hold them and rock them to sleep at bedtime. That can cause some severe anxiety for a parent who’s invested a whole lot of time, effort, and emotional capital into breaking those sleep associations. However, I want to reassure you that there’s typically no need to panic and call off any future sleepovers. Babies, even newborns, are surprisingly adept at recognizing different sleeping environments and understanding the rules in them, so just because they get rocked to sleep at grandma’s place doesn’t mean they’ll revert back to that expectation when you get them home. If they’ve developed some strong independent sleep skills, they’ll be back to normal pretty much immediately. So don’t lose your mind if your mom tells you she let baby fall asleep on her chest. A gentle suggestion that she not do it all the time, combined with the concession that you know how hard it is to resist a baby falling asleep on you, should be all that’s needed.  AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016.  The holidays are almost upon us, and I absolutely love this time of year! Why? More than anything, it’s the opportunity to reconnect with the special people in our lives who we might not have seen in a while. Of course, everything about the holidays is special to me, but the people are what really get me excited. Friends, family, neighbours, and acquaintances take this occasion to visit one another in person, which I’m sure we can all agree is more valuable to us this time after the pandemic caused so many missed opportunities to reconnect. For many of you, this may be the first time your friends and family members get to meet your new baby, which is such a magical moment for everyone involved. Babies bring us together in an extraordinary way. Now, I don’t want to sound like a grinch here, but if you’ve been working hard to teach your baby some independent sleep skills and they’re finally sleeping through the night, I just want to warn you that even though this is a wonderful time to celebrate and spend time with the people you love, it’s also an absolute minefield of potential sleep sabotage. I’m going to single out grandparents here because they’re the most likely to be staying with you and the most likely to take liberties with your rules around your little one, but the same strategies apply to anyone who might be nudging you to ease up on bedtime and naps so they can visit with your baby. Common examples of this “nudging” include…
All of these things are said with the best intentions, of course. Grandparents are usually more than willing to get up and tend to their grandkids. You can’t really fault people for wanting to spend time with your adorable babies, can you? Intentions aside, though, sticking to your guns when people ask you to push back your little one’s bedtime can be tough, but I assure you, it’s necessary. One late night is often enough to leave your baby overtired, making it tough to get them to sleep, causing less restful sleep when they eventually do go down, and often resulting in nighttime and early wakeups, all of which leaves your baby tired and irritable the next day. And whose problem is it then? Well, yours, obviously. The first thing most people do when a baby starts to cry is hand them back over to their parents, thinking they know how to get them settled. Then the bad night’s sleep leads to a tough day of naps, leading to another rough night, and here we go again, just in time for the holidays. I’m not trying to be an alarmist, but things can get out of hand pretty quickly, so today, I wanted to give you some tips for politely but firmly putting your foot down when your houseguests ask you to hold off on putting your baby to bed. Be confident in your decision. Remind yourself of what you and your baby were going through when they weren’t sleeping well, and ask yourself if you can go through it again, especially during the holidays. Remember that you’re doing the right thing for everyone involved, and that’s never selfish. Explain the situation. If people understand the struggle, you’ve undertaken to get your baby sleeping well. They’ll be much more likely to accept it when you insist on strict bedtime and nap schedules. So let your guests know that you’re right about teaching your baby some sleep skills and that they’ll need to go to bed at specific times, with no exceptions. Highlight the rewards. This is really the best method I’ve found for appeasing houseguests who don’t know the value of sleep. When they’re pushing for you to let baby, say, skip a nap, ask them, “Would you rather spend three hours with a crying baby or two hours with a happy one?” After all, it’s tough to bond with a baby when they’re fussing and irritable, so remind Grandma and Grandpa that it’s a choice between forming those cherished memories of their grandchild laughing and cooing in their arms or significantly more forgettable ones of them fussing, screaming, and reaching for their parents because they’re tired and miserable. Take deep breaths. I know that sounds facile, but deep breathing really is an effective method of calming your brain and body down in moments when, let’s say, just as an example, your mother-in-law goes to “check” on your baby after they’ve been napping for 15 minutes and then emerges from their room holding a tired, bleary-eyed baby in their arms, claiming that baby was already awake when they walked in. Y’know. Just hypothetically. Not like your mother-in-law would dream of doing such a thing. Take a few deep breaths, seriously. Before you say anything, just smile, breathe deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth, and remember that they’re just head-over-heels in love with their grandchild and didn’t do it to overrule or defy you. Give it a minute, and once you’ve cooled off a bit, calmly tell her that you’d like to see if baby can get a slightly longer nap and take her back to her crib. Be the Boss. Above all, remember, this is your child, and you know what’s best for them, so don’t let other people’s suggestions or experiences influence your judgment. You may hear things like, “We always let our little guy stay up late on Christmas Eve so he’d sleep late on Christmas morning,” or “You’ve got to make exceptions during the holidays.” None of those people know your baby like you do, so all of their opinions combined don’t hold a candle to your knowledge and proficiency in this arena. You don’t need to be a tyrant, but you should never forget that you’re in charge because you’re the expert! So rock that title and do what you know is right. The great news is, this is usually a one-time ordeal because once your family and friends see how well your little one sleeps, they quickly learn to appreciate why you take it so seriously. After experiencing first-hand how delightful it is to be around a well-rested baby, they won’t be asking questions when they come back next year. Instead, they’ll just enjoy the experience and quietly marvel at how awesome you are at raising kids. So happy holidays, everybody! Have fun, enjoy the season, and sleep well! AuthorErin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016.  With the holidays quickly approaching, parents who have recently gotten their babies, of any age, sleeping on a schedule are often worried that their little ones' sleep will regress over the Holidays. I can assure you that those fears could not be more real. Many families struggle with severe sleep deprivation for a very long time due to the "blessing" of having a child (or two like I was) that lacks healthy independent sleep strategies. So, finally getting your whole family into a routine that works. Finally moving from being severely sleep deprived into a family that is becoming well rested. Trust me everyone inside that little family unit wants to protect their new found sleep including the little one who is finally able to sleep. When little ones finally FEEL what it feels like to have the sleep that is needed for healthy growth and development they don't want their schedule messed with either. Between the travel, excitement, and constant attention of family and friends, holidays are the easiest way to throw all of your hard work out with the wrapping paper. But fortunately, it doesn't have to be that way! With some strategic planning and an iron will, you can keep that carefully orchestrated routine running right on schedule. There are two major impediments to maintaining your kiddos routine over the holidays. One is travel, and the other is family and friends, so I want to tackle both of those topics individually. First, we will cover the travel portion...  If you have a trip planned sometime in the next few weeks, and were planning on beginning sleep training , I suggest putting it off until you get back (On the flip side, if you are looking for an excuse to cancel your trip, keeping your baby's sleep schedule is a pretty good one. Just sayin’! 🤷🏼♀️)
If you've already started working on a routine, no worries! If you can maintain some semblance of normalcy on your trip, you should be able to fall right back into it once back home. If you plan on driving to your destination, a great tip is to schedule your driving time over baby's naps. Car naps aren't always ideal but are definitely better than no naps at all, and they're the lesser of two evils by a mile. If at all possible, hit the road right around the time that baby would usually be taking their first nap of the day. If you're really committed to your kiddo's sleep schedule, you might even look for some parks, tourist attractions, or other outdoor activities on your route for quick stops when baby wakes from their nap. These stops are an excellent opportunity for the whole family to get out into the sunshine and fresh air, making that next nap that much easier. If you plan to fly, well, my heart goes out to you. It's no secret that planes and babies aren't always the best match, so I suggest (and this is the only time you'll hear me say this) to do whatever you can to get you through the flight with minimum fuss. Let them play with your phone, dole out snack, whatever you need to do to keep baby happy. Don't try to force naps; if they don't want to sleep on the plane, they won't. It will only result in unnecessary frustration for both of you. (And, most likely, the passengers around you.) Alright! So you've arrived, and hopefully, you've managed to maintain some degree of sanity. Now, I'm sorry to say, comes the hard part. When you're in the car or on the plane, everyone is rooting for you, keeping baby quiet and relaxed; and hopefully asleep. But now that you're at the Grandparents and it's just the opposite. Everyone wants to play with and hold the baby and get them ridiculously overstimulated. It's exceptionally difficult to tell all of these friends and family members that you're putting an end to the fun because the baby needs to get to sleep. So, here and now, I am giving you permission to be the bad guy. Don't negotiate, or make exceptions, and do not feel bad about it. Firmly explain to anyone giving you the "I'll just sneak in a take a quick peek," that baby's in the middle of sleep training, and you're not taking any chances waking them up. Let them know that they can hang around until baby gets up, or can catch them another time. Or better yet, let people know in advance when to expect some baby time based on baby's routine. I know it sounds harsh, but the alternative is an almost immediate backslide right back into day one. Your little one misses a nap, gets all fired up because of all the new faces and activity, then gets overtired, cortisol production goes up, and voila the next nap is ruined, which results in more overtiredness derailing nighttime sleep. Before you know it, you're headed on your way home, and it feels like all baby did was cry for the entire trip. I’m not even slightly exaggerating. It happens that quickly. So you've steeled your nerves and let everyone know that you're not budging on baby's schedule. She took her naps at the right times, and now it's time for bed. The only catch is that, with all of the company staying at the house, there's only one room for you and baby. No problem, right? Bed-sharing for a few nights isn't the end of the world. I wish it were that easy, but it simply is not! I don't know of any parent that wants to UNDO all of the amazing sleep skills that their child has just developed and is beginning to master. No one wants to go back to waking up every few hours for the little one to cry more unnecessary tears, for someone to come and soothe them back to sleep. So, you want to make both their sleeping arrangements and their scheduling as little of a deviation from the regular routines as possible. Plus babies and toddler can develop a real affinity for co-sleeping, or any other external sleep prop that comes back into the scenario, in as little as one night! You have worked hard to help your kiddo develop his own sleep strategies and now he's finally getting the sleep you both need and you don't want to mess with it! So this may sound a little unorthodox, but if you're sharing a room, what I suggest is simple... Make one room into two. I'm not saying you need to call in a construction crew, but I do suggest hanging a blanket, setting up a dressing screen, or, yes, I'm going to go ahead and say it, put baby in the closet. I know that sounds crazy, but a decent-sized closet is an excellent place for baby to sleep in a pinch. It's dark; it's quiet, she won't be distracted by being able to see you, and won't be disturbed by people walking in and out of the room. SlumberPod is another excellent option for creating your baby's own blacked out sleeping space while sharing a room. It's a patented blackout tent that fits perfectly over your pack n' play or travel crib. It has pockets for a fan, monitor and white noise machine. Use the Discount Code: tothemoonsleep to get your special deal. While we're on the subject of "no exceptions," that rule extends to all other sleep props. You may be tempted to slip baby a pacifier or rock her to sleep if she's disturbing the rest of the house, but baby is going to latch on to that really, really quickly, and chances are you'll be waking up every hour or two, rocking baby back to sleep or putting her pacifier back in, which in the end will disturb the house much more than a bit of crying at 7:00 at night. I find the biggest reason that parents give in is, quite simply, because they're embarrassed. There's a house full of eyes, and they're all focused on the new baby, and by association, the new parent. The feeling that everyone is making judgments about how you're parenting is very real, and overwhelming in these family gatherings, but in those moments, remember what's really important here; Your baby, your family, and their health and well-being. There may well be a few people who feel a bit jaded because you put the baby to bed just when they got in the door, and your mother might tell you that putting your baby in the closet for the night is ridiculous, but remember you're doing this for a very noble cause. Perhaps the noblest cause there is, allowing your child to get the sleep that is required So stand tall and remember that you’re a superhero, defending sleep for those who are too small to defend it for themselves. If you want to wear a cape and give yourself a cool superhero name, you go right ahead. WonderMom, UberMama, The Somnum Inducere, if you’re feeling really fancy. Just remember that, like any superhero, you may be misunderstood by the masses. Ignore them. You’re on a mission to the best quality sleep possible for your child and your family as a whole. Getting the sleep that is required in-order to function as the best versions of yourselves is absolutely worth the journey. Quite simply, "it's life changing". Happy Holidays & Happy Sleeping Erin For more sleep training tips while on holidays get our Expert Travel & Sleep Guide. |
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© COPYRIGHT 2016-2024 TO THE MOON AND BACK SLEEP CONSULTING. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. WAKING GIRL WEB DESIGN
ADA COMPLIANCE PRIVACY POLICY