What is it about you having a lousy night’s sleep that makes everyone else so awful?

It seems that way, doesn’t it? You have a night of broken, interrupted, just plain lousy sleep. The next day, people are driving like they’ve been lobotomized, humming and hawing about their Starbucks order in front of you and asking you the same stupid question at work that you’ve already answered half a dozen times.

Seriously, is the universe just messing with you? Is there a hidden camera somewhere and a group of sadistic YouTube pranksters sending these cretins into your path?

Maybe. I’m not saying that’s not a possibility, but a more likely explanation is that your lack of sleep is making it impossible for you to react rationally to frustrating situations. 

Researchers from the University of Arizona released a study in 2006, which I discovered last week, showing that people deprived of sleep over a 55-hour period had...

• An increased tendency to blame others for problems
• Reduced willingness to alleviate a conflict situation by accepting blame
• Increased aggression
• Lower desire to behave in ways that facilitate effective social interaction

I know this might not seem like especially earth-shaking news, but it speaks to a broader point. 

So, let’s imagine that you and your partner are the proud parents of a new baby. Your lives are undoubtedly blessed, but let’s not kid ourselves; a new baby is a mammoth responsibility, and they require their parents to make, on average, one million decisions a day. (I’m estimating there, but it’s for sure in the ballpark. Let’s say a million-ish.)

And for every decision that has to be made, you and your partner need to come to some sort of an agreement that it’s the right way to go. 

• What time should we put him to bed? 
• What do we do when he starts crying? 
• Are we going to breastfeed? Are we able to? 

Those are all questions that need to be agreed upon and then reevaluated if things aren’t going smoothly. Those are just three of an infinite number of choices you’ll make in the first few weeks alone. 

And every one of them presents an opportunity for disagreement.
Now, you and your partner may have a great method for resolving your disputes. You may have already agreed on a lot of these questions before you even got pregnant. Still, as any parent knows, all of those decisions are up for renewal the second things start going off the rails. 

​So here you are, faced with all of these decisions, all of which need to be approved by you and your partner; you’re frustrated because things aren’t going smoothly, to begin with, and to top it all off, your ability to recognize and respond to each other in a rational, civilized manner has been seriously compromised.

Two people are forced to debate the most critical decisions they’re likely to make in their lives, and they’re psychologically primed to blame one another, get angry, and be less likely to play fair or accept responsibility. 
Nightmare, right? 

On top of that, couples who don’t get enough sleep are less likely to show gratitude towards each other and significantly more likely to feel unappreciated, according to Amie Gordon, a doctorate candidate in social-personality psychology at UC Berkeley. 

And as though that’s not enough, consider the fact that lack of sleep decreases libido, which means you won’t be having sex as often, if at all. Many of the parents I’ve worked with have told me they’ve stopped having sex altogether since one of them is sleeping on the couch or sleeping next to baby, and in those rare opportunities where they get the chance to fool around, they both say they’re too tired and just not in the mood.

Loads of couples get through this period in their lives with their partnership intact, and I’m not trying to suggest that sleep deprivation is going to be the end of your relationship. A baby who isn’t sleeping isn’t necessarily going to result in divorce, but I can say without reservation that it certainly won’t help.

​Babies are amazing, right? I mean c’mon. What can possibly compare with those first few months when you and your partner stand over the crib together and look down on that precious new life that the two of you created together? It’s the most romantic experience I can envision, and it’s a period in your life that deserves to be cherished. That’s not so easy to do if you and your partner are constantly fighting against each other because neither of you is getting enough sleep.

There are so many reasons to make your little one’s sleep a priority when it comes to their well-being. Still, I’d ask you to take a selfish little detour for a moment and consider what it can mean for you, your partner and your relationship. After all, if there’s one gift your kids always appreciate, it’s seeing their parents happy, united, and in love. 

So before you commit to couples therapy, before you move to separate bedrooms, before you even get into one more heated argument over which route to take to daycare, try taking a week to commit to getting your little one sleeping through the night and see how you feel once you’re all getting the rest you need.

The results, I promise you, are nothing short of amazing.

-Erin Neri, BA. Psychology, Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant, Infant Mental Health, Integrated Feeding Specialist

​Kahn-Greene, E. T., Lipizzi, E. L., Conrad, A. K., Kamimori, G. H., & Killgore, W. (2006). Sleep deprivation adversely affects interpersonal responses to frustration. Personality and Individual Differences, 41(8), 
1433-1443. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2006.06.002

Gordon, A. M., & Chen, S. (2014). The Role of Sleep in Interpersonal Conflict: Do Sleepless Nights Mean Worse Fights? Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5(2), 168–175. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550613488952

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Do you yell at your kids? 

Because, hey, full disclosure, I yell at my kids. I lose my patience sometimes. My kids can push me to the point where I snap. 
I’m never proud of it because I know I’m a better parent when I keep my cool. Yelling can be effective, no doubt, but it always leaves me feeling like I dropped the ball. It’s the polar opposite of that wonderful feeling I get when I manage to resolve a situation through a calm, rational analysis of the problem, followed by a few suggestions on how to solve it. My child quickly settles down and starts considering the potential solutions I’ve offered, and before you know it, the situation is entirely under control. 


Aren’t those moments just the best? Isn’t that just the hole-in-one of parenting?  ​

​There’s a lot to be said for keeping calm around our children, and it goes well beyond making us feel like we’re good parents.

A 2014 study in Psychological Science, conducted jointly between researchers from the University of California, San Francisco, and New York University, separated mothers and their infants for a brief period of time, then exposed the mothers to some mild negative stressors. Upon being reunited with their babies, the infants embodied the same negative stress their mothers had experienced. It’s not known exactly how those emotions were transferred, but even without being exposed to the stressor itself, the infants sensed that their mother was stressed and emulated those emotions.

Another study from the University of California, Riverside, showed that parents who remained calm while helping their kids undertake a frustrating laboratory challenge helped their kids stay calm and focused.

So what does that mean in layperson’s terms? It means that whether you’re stressed or calm, you’re probably passing those feelings onto your little one. Your emotions are, quite literally, contagious. 

​Now, stress is a part of a parent’s life. There’s no avoiding it. Unless we’re blessed with some kind of superpower, we’re going to go off on our kids once in a while. I’m not suggesting you should beat yourself up in those moments, only that we should strive to minimize them. We should always be aspiring towards those hole-in-one moments.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re either in the midst of teaching your little one to sleep through the night or you’re thinking about getting started. If that’s the case, it’s a good bet you’re already sleep-deprived yourself. When we’re not getting enough sleep, we’re short-tempered, easily agitated, and more likely to raise our voices and give in to feelings of frustration. In short, we’re likely to be a little bit stressed out, and as we’ve seen, that stress permeates our kids, which stresses them out, which cranks up cortisol production, and there you have it. We’ve barely gotten started, and we’re already throwing up obstacles.

I’m not saying it’s easy, but before you even start the process of teaching your baby to fall asleep independently, I recommend you get yourself into a headspace where you commit to yourself that, no matter how tough things get, you’re going to try your absolute hardest to stay calm, cool and collected. Practice deep breathing exercises, meditate, do a little yoga, and do anything else you can think of to put you in a calm, tolerant, accepting state of mind. During sleep training it is so important to remain calm, cool, collected, a boring lump of confident zen with a little business sprinkled in.

​If you’re working with a partner, I suggest you do all of this together and discuss ahead of time who’s taking what shift so there’s no arguing during the night. And remember, if things go as expected, most babies start showing huge improvement by around night three, so relief is just on the other side of that hill.

And when the dust settles, and your little one is sleeping through the night, and you managed to get through the process without giving in to feelings of frustration and guilt, you’re not just going to feel like you hit a hole-in-one. You’re going to feel like you just won the World Parenting Championship. You’ll feel like the undisputed heavyweight champion of motherhood. 

Sleep-filled nights are right around the corner, mama! So be patient, be calm, cool and collected and it’ll all be behind you soon. 
​

As a sleep consultant, I often hear from parents concerned about their child's restless nights and daytime challenges. One question that frequently arises is: Is there a connection between poor sleep and ADHD symptoms in children? The answer is a resounding yes. Let's delve into the research to understand this link better.

The Sleep-ADHD Connection
Research indicates that up to 70% of children diagnosed with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) experience sleep disturbances, including difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up too early.  [More here and here.] These sleep issues can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, leading to increased inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. 

Moreover, sleep deprivation can mimic ADHD symptoms in children who do not have the disorder. Chronic lack of sleep may lead to difficulties in attention, behaviour, and emotional regulation, which are hallmark signs of ADHD. 

The Impact of Sleep on Cognitive and Emotional Functioning
Adequate sleep is crucial for a child's cognitive and emotional development. Insufficient sleep can impair executive functions, such as working memory and attention control, and increase emotional reactivity. [Read more here.] This impairment can be particularly pronounced in children with ADHD, who already struggle with these functions.

Furthermore, studies have shown that sleep difficulties can lead to increased daytime sleepiness, which negatively affects academic performance and social interactions. [Read more here.]

Addressing Sleep Issues to Manage ADHD Symptoms
Improving sleep quality can be a vital component in managing ADHD symptoms. Here are some strategies that may help:

• Establish a Consistent Bedtime Routine: A predictable routine can signal to the child that it's time to wind down, making it easier to fall asleep.
• Create a Sleep-Conducive Environment: Ensure the child's bedroom is quiet, dark, and cool. Limit exposure to screens before bedtime.
• Behavioural Interventions: Cognitive-behavioural therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) has been effective in treating sleep problems in children with ADHD. [More]
• Consult Healthcare Providers: In some cases, addressing underlying medical conditions or adjusting medications may be necessary to improve sleep.
• Consult a Sleep Consultant: Underlying anxiety around sleeping without parents in the room may be the cause for bedtime battles and night wakings. With this comes behaviours that develop over time and a battle of wills between parent and child. I have developed a program specifically for these children, where we can slowly give them the confidence they need to sleep independently and modify the behaviours that come with the fears of sleeping alone.   

Conclusion
The link between poor sleep and ADHD symptoms is well-established. Sleep disturbances can exacerbate the challenges faced by children with ADHD, and in some cases, sleep deprivation can mimic ADHD symptoms in children without the disorder. Addressing sleep issues through consistent routines, environmental adjustments, and professional interventions can significantly improve a child's overall functioning and quality of life.
​
If you're concerned about your child's sleep patterns and their impact on behaviour, consider reaching out to a sleep consultant or healthcare provider for personalized guidance.

Note: This blog post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider for concerns about your child's health.

When we think about healthy sleep for children, we often focus on bedtime routines, sleep environments, and consistent schedules. However, one critical factor frequently overlooked is the role of nutrition—specifically, iron levels. Emerging research highlights a fascinating and important connection between iron deficiency anemia (IDA) and sleep disruptions in infants and young children.


What is Iron Deficiency Anemia (IDA)?
Iron deficiency anemia is the most common single nutrient deficiency worldwide, affecting an estimated 20–25% of infants. This occurs during a crucial time of brain growth and development when the body’s demand for iron is exceptionally high. Infants with IDA not only face physical health challenges but also experience disruptions in sleep patterns, which can have long-lasting effects on their cognitive and behavioural development.


How Does Iron Impact Sleep?
Research conducted by the University of Chile and the University of Michigan sheds light on the complex relationship between iron and sleep. Key findings include:

• Sleep Spindles: Infants with IDA have been shown to have altered sleep spindle activity. Sleep spindles, which are brainwave patterns seen during non-REM sleep, are vital for memory consolidation and motor activity regulation. In IDA infants, spindles are fewer and less frequent, indicating potential disruptions in brain development and sleep quality.
• Sleep/Wake Patterns: IDA infants tend to nap longer during the day, have more restless sleep at night, and spend less time in deep sleep (quiet sleep or NREM). Despite iron therapy correcting anemia, some differences in sleep patterns persist into childhood.
• Motor Activity: Actigraphy studies revealed that IDA infants display higher motor activity during sleep, increased nighttime waking, and reduced quiet sleep. These fragmented sleep patterns may hinder cognitive and emotional development.

Long-Term Effects of Iron Deficiency on Sleep
Even after iron levels are corrected, former IDA children may continue to exhibit altered sleep organization:

• REM Sleep Differences: At age four, children who had IDA in infancy show differences in the timing and duration of REM sleep episodes. REM episodes in the early part of the night are longer. In contrast, those in the later part are shorter, disrupting the natural progression of sleep cycles.
• First Sleep Cycle: These children often have shorter deep sleep (SWS) and NREM2 stages in their first sleep cycle, along with a shorter latency to REM sleep, which may indicate long-term impacts on how their brains regulate sleep.

Why This Matters
The connection between iron deficiency and sleep highlights how nutrition can influence physical health, the quality of sleep, and brain development. Poor sleep in early childhood has been linked to issues such as:

• Irritability and mood swings
• Short attention spans
• Hyperactivity
• Learning and memory challenges

Addressing iron deficiency early can help set the stage for better sleep and healthier development.


How to Support Healthy Iron Levels
To ensure your child is getting enough iron to support both their physical health and sleep:

1. Focus on Iron-Rich Foods: Include lean meats, spinach, lentils, beans, and fortified cereals in their diet. Pair these with vitamin C-rich foods like oranges or tomatoes to boost absorption.
2. Monitor Symptoms: Look for signs of iron deficiency such as fatigue, pale skin, or irritability, and consult your pediatrician if you have concerns.
3. Consider Supplements if Needed: In cases of diagnosed IDA, your doctor may recommend iron supplements. Always follow professional guidance to avoid potential side effects of excessive iron intake.

The Bottom Line
Iron plays a critical role in your child’s growth, development, and even their ability to get a good night’s sleep. If your little one is experiencing sleep disturbances, it’s worth considering whether iron levels might be a contributing factor. By addressing this essential nutrient, you can help your child build a foundation for better sleep and a healthier, happier future.
​
When I partner with a family, this link between iron and sleep is something that I am actively looking out for in their child. There have been several times that I have been able to pinpoint low iron as a reason for continued sleep disturbances in infants and children. Sometimes, the last step in the sleep plan is having the child assessed by their Pediatrician and then put on iron supplements when it’s warranted. These supplements make a huge difference for these children, and along with their newfound independent sleep skills, they are now getting the sleep that they need to be happy and healthy.

Reference
Peirano, P. D., Algarín, C. R., Chamorro, R. A., Reyes, S. C., Durán, S. A., Garrido, M. I., & Lozoff, B. (2010). Sleep alterations and iron deficiency anemia in infancy. Sleep Medicine, 11(7), 622–629. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2010.03.014

​Quick, without looking it up, what’s the opposite of “nocturnal?”

We all know what nocturnal means, right? Animals that sleep in the day and do most of their activities at night, bats, owls, and raccoons being some familiar examples. 

It always surprises me that we’re not nearly as familiar with the term diurnal (that’s the answer, in case you didn’t know.) since, as humans, that’s what we are. 

​Our eyes don’t adapt to the dark all that well, we don’t have the echolocation skills of the bat, and we rely on the sun for our vitamin D. Since evolution is a painfully slow process, that’s the way it’s going to be for another couple million years, at least. 
But there are some really sweet benefits that come with being daytime creatures, and one of my favourites is a little thing called the circadian rhythm. 

The circadian rhythm, as you may already know, is the internal clock in the human body that prompts us to wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night, and much like a clock, it has a LOT of moving parts, only instead of gears and springs, it’s made up of stimuli and hormones.

Two of these hormones are going to play the starring roles in our story, and those are melatonin and cortisol. If you’ve got a baby having a hard time sleeping, you have undoubtedly heard a lot about both of these guys.

Melatonin is produced in the pineal gland of the brain, and its role is to help the body relax, both mentally and physically, and help us get to sleep and stay asleep. So when your baby gets an 11-12 hour stretch of glorious sleep, you can thank their pineal gland for firing up those melatonin pumps. 

But you can also thank the daylight because exposure to the sun stimulates melatonin production. Production, mind you. Not secretion. We’ll talk about that in a second, but the buildup of the hormone itself is stimulated by exposure to sunlight. So it’s not just an old wives tale. Getting your baby outside during the day really does help them sleep better at night!

This whole intricate dance between light and dark, cortisol and melatonin, awake and asleep, evolved over an incredibly long time, and it worked like magic up until, relatively speaking, very recently, when we discovered that we could pass an electric current along a filament and “artificially” illuminate our surroundings. Before that, we relied exclusively on fire, which emits very little blue light.


Depending on their hue, light bulbs emit quite a bit of it. And TVs, LEDs, computer monitors, iPads, smartphones, and all of those other screens that surround us today, absolutely flood our eyes with it. Unfortunately, all of that blue light coming at us in hours when we would normally be enveloped in darkness signals the brain that it’s still daytime and inhibits the release of melatonin, making it harder to get to sleep.


Since we can’t reasonably get rid of all of the sources of blue light around us, the best thing to do for our little ones’ sleep is to turn off those really intense sources, like TVs and smartphones, a couple of hours before they go to bed, and make sure their sleeping area is as dark as we can get it. I’m talking real dark. Like, can’t see your hand in front of your face, kind of dark. Some blackout blinds can be a game changer, especially if you live somewhere where the days get exceptionally long in the summer. 


So that’s the story of the circadian rhythm and its daily heroic effort to keep us running at peak performance. It really is a fascinating little piece of our physiology, and with just a little support from our side, it can work wonders in getting us out of bed with energy and enthusiasm and helping us feel relaxed and peaceful when it’s time to sleep. Work with it instead of resisting it, and I guarantee you’ll start seeing and feeling the results immediately. ​