Juggling Bedtime Routines with a baby and a Toddler

Bringing a new baby into the house is an incredible, exciting but also terrifying occasion, even more so when you have one or two children already. It can bring up a whole lot of questions.

How are the older children going to react to this new baby? Are they going to embrace the role of being an older sibling? Will they turn into jealous clingers who need constant attention? Will their schedule fit with your newborn's naps and feeding times? Most importantly, how is this going to affect the older child's bedtime?

Trying to juggle two or three different bedtime routines can be overwhelming if you're not ready for it. Trying to find fifteen minutes to feed your newborn while at the same time trying to get your toddler out of the bath can make you lose your mind. Toddlers just know that you're in a position where you're unable to chase them down and enforce the rules, so they are more likely to take advantage of that weakness.

So here are some strategies for those of you who have two or three little people, and are struggling to find a bedtime groove.

Strategies to help get into the bedtime grove with a baby and a toddler.

1. Have one bedtime for all the kids in the house. A lot of families I work with are shocked when I suggest that their three-year-olds should be going to bed at 7:00 PM, but at that age, kids still require between 10-12 hours of sleep a night, not including daytime naps. So if your toddler needs to be up at 7:00 AM, a 7:00 PM bedtime is reasonable. If the idea of having 2 or 3 bedtime routines at the same time seems overwhelming,  keep reading.
2. Team up and switch off if you can. If you're the lucky one and have a partner who's home and able to help you get the kids to bed, put together a list of what needs to get done. Split the tasks evenly, and then switch off every other night. That will help make sure neither of you feels like you have the short end of the stick. It will also get your kids used to either parent putting them to bed, so if one isn't available, it won't throw your them into a tailspin just because things aren't the same.
3. Find opportunities to multitask. As a parent, either through talent or necessity, we become the undisputed champions of multitasking. Trying to get through two or three separate bedtime routines is going to leave you exhausted and probably won't fit with your schedule, so double up when you can. Let the kids bathe together, feed your newborn while you read your toddler a bedtime story, sing songs while you change baby's diaper. Wherever you can overlap, use that opportunity for all it's worth.
4. Create and stick to a 15-30 minute bedtime routine. Bedtime routines are super important to get your kids to sleep through the night. It's not just a great way of giving them a sense of time; it also works as a signal to their brains and bodies that bedtime is coming. The routine stimulates melatonin production and turns things down internally to prepare for a long, rejuvenating sleep. A bath is a great place to start. It's a strong signal that sleep is just around the corner.
5. Save a special activity for bedtime. Typically, the older child can entertain themselves for a little while so you can finish up with your youngest. It's not always the case, but if it is, find a non-screen-related activity that will keep your toddler engaged and quiet. Make this activity exclusive to that fifteen minutes that you need one-on-one time to put the baby down. Don't make it too exciting, or you could end up in a battle because your child's bedtime activity is too much fun to put down.
6. Embrace child labour. Toddlers love structure and predictability. Giving them a helper position when you're putting your younger child to bed is a great way to keep them busy.  Being a helper also gives them a feeling of triumph before they head to bed. Show them where to find the diapers and have them bring them to you when you're getting your baby ready for bedtime.
7. Stick to your guns. Toddlers test boundaries in a constant, systematic fashion. "I'm not allowed to throw the football in the house? OK. Maybe I'm allowed to throw the soccer ball in the house!" And because you're attention is split between them and a new baby, you might feel a little indebted to them. That's OK, but changing or loosening the rules could end up upsetting them more, not less. As I said before, kids rely on predictability and structure. If suddenly they get the feeling like the fences are down, they typically feel a little lost, and that's going to lead to more tantrums, not fewer. So keep the routine and the expectations as close as possible to the way they were before their sibling arrived.
8. No matter how bad it gets, no matter how tempted you might be, don't let your toddler watch a show. I know how putting your child in front of the TV or handing them your phone can buy you a few minutes of quiet, but screens can be the ultimate downfall. The entire time that they're holding your child's attention, they're flooding their eyes with blue light. That might not seem like a bad tradeoff for fifteen minutes to tend to your baby. However, blue light stimulates cortisol production and inhibits melatonin. So those fifteen minutes of peace and quiet could very easily cost you hours of trying to get your overtired child to settle down for the night.
9. Accept the fact that it’s not always going to go smoothly. These are, young children we're dealing with, so if things start to go off track a bit, don't look at it as a failure on anyone's part. They're going to have regressions, rough nights, and occasional meltdowns. Staying calm and level-headed will be the best thing you can do to make sure these situations don't escalate into something more frustrating and upsetting for everyone involved.
10. Embrace the peace and quiet. Once everyone is in bed, take at least five or ten minutes to let yourself unwind. Don't check your email, start a load of laundry, or catch up on whatever responsibilities you've got to look after. We all know that this parenting thing is a stressful gig. So when you get a moment to pat yourself on the back and find a little calm in your life, you should embrace it. The minutes right after the kids fall asleep are a prime opportunity to do just that. So take some time to celebrate the superhero that is you. There will be another night of challenges and rewards for the whole family right around the corner.

​Is it time to reach out for help from a sleep expert?
If you are struggling to get your children to bed on time without bedtime battles and tears galore then reach out for help from your favourite sleep consultant. Book your Free 20-minute Sleep Evaluation Call where will will talk about your family's sleep challenges and identify why they are happening and how I can help. 

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Author

Erin Neri - Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Owner of To The Moon and Back Sleep Consulting since 2016. 

Proud mother of 2 young boys who did not come into the world  preprogrammed with independent sleep skills. 26+ years of training & experience working with children and families including her BA in Applied Psychology, Infant Mental Health Training, Early Childhood Education & Experience.